• Who will or did you vote for are questions that should never be asked on a date
Image: PEXELS / GUSTAVO FRING
Diary,
“Who will you vote for?” is the worst opening statement in the history of dinner conversations. Unless you know your dinner partner better than you know the back of your hand, your answer better be what they expect or your date is kaput.
And sometimes, any answer is not good enough when you dine an anti-government nut who believes elections are useless since all leaders are nominated by the Illuminati.
This statement has a twin that stinks as bad: “So, who did you vote for?”
Political affiliations are like exercises — you ease slowly into them; otherwise, you risk a case of cramps you’ll live to regret. In the same vein, elections are like Monday-morning blues—everyone had the same two-day weekend, everyone did something about which some are now happy, while others regret.
Nothing sucks like a teetotaller in your face yelling, “Who told you to drink alcohol, huh? If you had taken orange juice like I did, you wouldn’t have your head inside the toilet half the damned day, promising God you’ll quit drinking if he takes the headache away.”
Compared to political talk, you stand a better chance of not getting your head chewed off if you ask your date, “What’s your favourite position?”
Or, “How many people have you slept with?”
Or, “Are you sure you weren’t the reason you and your ex broke up?”
I once had a date ask me, “Why are you still single?”
My answer: “I was born with a twin attached to my hip, but the separation operation was a rousing success. Are we supposed to be sewn back up?”
She thought me hilarious and woke up in my bed the next morning.
Political decisions are very personal matters and should be left so for the sake of civility. I’ve heard of married couples separating when their political affiliations changed. As much as I don’t support an institution that sticks you to the same meal for the rest of your life, politics shouldn’t be the reason a marriage ends. Now, a hunk who moves in next door? Why not, sis; go for it. You only live twice.
As for the date who asked me, “Have you ever considered plastic surgery?” and I said, “I’m sorry, hun. I’m not that kind of doctor. You’ll have to seek those services elsewhere.”
Well, let’s just say, the following day I woke up alone.