After a month of staying with me to help me out after birth, my sister finally left us today. As soon as she left, I was bombarded with actual heavy lifting as a mother of two.
Since my husband had to take her to the airport and ended up taking longer than anticipated, I was forced to prepare my eldest for school, then bundle them both up in heavy clothing and pull the stroller up from the basement with one hand.
As I pushed my sleeping newborn in the stroller and held my firstborn’s hand, I couldn't help but get teary eyed… this is my life. A life without help (outside of my husband), a life without a buffer, a life where I had to do it all.
You see, when my sister was here, I somehow forgot what my life was like before she came. She arrived the weekend before my son started school after summer break. So for the entirety of the summer, it was just my husband, my son and I. Then my second son came along but we were all home, my husband on paternity leave and my son on summer break.
When my eldest went back to school, my sister was there. We could focus on one child, housework or actual work, while managing the two kids between the three of us. As of today, I walk the brand new path of doing it alone.
While my husband is at work, I will be forced to manage two kids alone without help. Where we live, we have zero help. No grandma, no aunt, no nanny, no neighbour. Yes, we do have neighbours and they are nice enough to say, “When you need anything, just let me know.” But I find people often say this to be polite rather than mean it.
It was simple enough with one child, when we moved here. I spent a year with my son alone most days, going to parks or playing outside. Once he started daycare, I found that little freedom during the day to do what I wanted. Now that freedom has been yanked away for at least a couple of years. While my eldest goes to school and my husband works, I must stay home alone with my newborn.
When I go to the shop, I have to take him with me. When I go to the doctor, he comes along. Once he starts crawling and being a danger to himself, I will have to either get a giant playpen or take him to the bathroom with me. That is my life now.
Losing the support I relied heavily on for the last month and realising I will never have that type of support again for as long as we live here hit me hard. It made me realise that when we do have our ‘village’, we don’t appreciate them nearly enough until we lose them.
