JIJI NDOGO: You’re an enabler, Sophia says

There’s also the famous Kit Mikayi in Kisumu, ‘the stone of the first woman’, which, supposedly, could switch the sex of anyone who dares go around it seven times.

I cannot speak to the truth of the powers contained within these places. It is even fair to say that my “modern” brain has doubted these tales. However, I’m certain even the sceptic in me would dare not finish that seventh circumvention of Kit Mikayi.

Just in case, you know? No way am I risking childbirth. I don’t have to push a melon out of my mouth to know it would hurt like hell. And I know I’m not alone. If men were responsible for giving birth, the population of earth would be less than 500 total.

But I digress. What I’m trying to say is, some folks take these supernatural matters very seriously. My boss is one such person. Afraid of getting old, he’ll do anything to reverse the clock’s hands. Now, a mganga has promised him a potion that will literally stop time, or at least slow it to a crawl.

Since my boss is also the father of my wife, Sgt Sophia, I have to explain to her why I had accompanied him to a mganga.

“He asked me to,” I explain.

“And you forgot how to say ‘no’?” she asks.

“Okay, let me rephrase that. He commanded me to take him into the forest. He may be my father-in-law, but he’s still my boss, remember?”

“Visiting a witch is not an official act. You’re such an enabler, Makini.”

“A what?”

“It’s like… Imagine I was an alcoholic, right? Would you buy your lovely wife some booze if I asked you nicely?”

One thing I’ve come to know about women, they never talk straight. On more than one occasion, I’ve found myself navigating around trick questions like, “Do you think she’s prettier than me?” “Do I look fat?”

“Is that a trick question?” I ask.

“What’s tricky about it? Okay, let me rephrase. If my father, your boss, was a drug addict, would you score him some coke simply because he commanded you to?”

It still sounds like a trick question to me.

“I mean, Sophie, that’s a completely different scenario. Drugs would hurt him. What’s the harm in indulging this one whim? It isn’t like the potion will work.”

Then an idea popped into my stupid brain. “Wait a minute. Are you afraid that it might actually work? Are you afraid that your father might stay young?”

Sophia pokes her temple with a finger. “Are you listening to yourself? You sound as crazy as my father. Now what are you going to do about getting a pregnant mongoose?”

“No, Sophie, we’re supposed to take a pregnant skunk to the mganga.”

“And?”

I drop my gaze. “We haven’t, but I have a theory. I don’t think we are supposed to literally catch a pregnant skunk.”

“What will you do, get a fresh one and impregnate it?”

“No need to be crass about it. I believe the whole idea is a ruse meant to make your father exercise both his brain and body.”

“Yeah? Care to explain?”

“First, he has to come up with a plan of how to track a skunk and later determine if it’s pregnant or not, right? Then, he has to chase the said animal until he catches it.”

“Dear Lord!” She slaps her forehead. “I’m surrounded by fools.”