THE RELATIONSHIP FIX

Real men pay for dates: Nairobi woman reveals dating secrets

In Summary

• Whichever transport means you use, don't get there late.

• Always chew gum before your date if your breath doesn't smell good.

Men told to avoid keeping a woman waiting for a date.
Men told to avoid keeping a woman waiting for a date.
Image: FILE

I had a chance to go out on a date with a nice gentleman and later that evening I wanted to call him and right away to set another date.

It is not every day a girl gets to go out with a gentleman and one with all the qualities on your checklist.

Many dates clearly end up disastrous or you have to sit through untold torture because you don't want to embarrass the date.

It happened that my date was with a seasoned gentleman and he got me thinking of the many young guys who get it all wrong with the first date and don’t get a second chance to create a good impression.

Indeed if they followed a few pointers given below, they would not have girls taking the 'flee from evil' verse literally and taking off. They could borrow a leaf or even take a whole branch from this gentleman.

Let’s look at the do and don'ts if you surely want to get the girl to accept a second date.

Don't arrive after the lady

If you are going to have a first date, it doesn’t matter if you are going to use public transport, fly a jet or run a marathon, whatever you do, the lady should never get to the date venue before you.

In fact, get there early and take the opportunity to choose the best spot for your date. Scan the menu and prices ( because many first date venues are picked by the lady), familiarise yourself with the place - it will calm you down, get friendly with at least one waiter, as you await your date for you know she's taking her sweet time to look good for you.

While at it, order water and add lemon to look healthy in the eyes of the society, her relative could be visiting the same restaurant as you. 

Outfit

Blue mom jeans and a T-shirt written some American rugby team may look good in your eyes, but there's a reason they say men are blind...

If you are going on a date with a 'potential mother of your children', try and open your eyes. Put some effort in what you intend to wear. Most ladies go the extra mile to buy clothes for a date, to make the best impression. The lest you could do is try and up your game. Try and match the colours you're wearing, even if it means making Google your friend for that particular date.

Put something that says 'I was not chased from the house or that I picked these clothes from the mouth of a cow, from the number of creases on it'. While at it, put on some cologne, and not the toilet freshener we can smell it a mile away.

Breath

If you are seated pretty waiting for your date and your closed mouth is a stinky hole that could put Hiroshima to shame, just know your best cologne could not save your date. Most times on a first date, we avoid eating a lot or nothing at all to save the appetite for the dinner, however this leaves us with some smelly breath.

Unless you intend to use sign language during your date, please have with you a mint, or a mouth freshener or chewing gum (quietly though). Nothing puts a person off than smelly breath, however handsome or good smelling. In case you are having a conversation and she keeps rubbing her nose, that should be a sure sign whatever is coming from your mouth is not honey. Save her from thinking you swallowed a dead rat on your way to the date.

Bill

There is that awkward moment when a lady or gentleman comes with a small book with a receipt of what was consumed by both of you and since there was no discussion prior on who should take the tabs, there is usually an uncomfortable silence. In most cases the lady or gentleman bringing the bill tends to place it next to the gentleman. (This is one gender rule we believe should remain untouched). Kindly don`t look at the small little book like an alien that has invaded your table or that has dropped from another planet that needs to be eliminated.

On the first date, be the gentleman and pick the bill, after all that was the reason for your coming early to check on prices and prepare your wallets accordingly. While at it, don`t make any facial expressions to indicate whatever you have seen written there was not your expectation. Accordingly do not complain about the overcharging of simple meals or the economy or the lack on rain that has increased prices bla bla bla. Remember your every move and action is being watched keenly by the lady next to you.

Biological activities

Ever noticed your stomach tends to misbehave at the least expected time? You might eat a very good meal and all of a sudden you start experiencing stomach discomfort. Well, we can attribute this to the fact that you were initially tensed and once everything falls into place your system goes back to factory settings.

Whatever the case, avoid passing gas on the same scene as your date. Stand warned that these little missiles are the most lethal, and it will be impossible to just sit there and complain about the sewer when she clearly knows she did not release any gas.

Always find a reason to excuse yourself to the gents and do the necessary, praying hard that the incident won`t need to be repeated every 10 minutes. Take a break to the gents, he will appreciate the time to pass her own gas peacefully. Unless you are married for more than 10 years.. well probably less or dating a carefree girl, keep the sound of gas popping to yourself. Do not do it and continue the conversation like nothing happened, while sitting in the midst of a stinky episode.

Conversation

The first few minutes into the date, the conversation may not flow like old buddies, however that is no excuse to dominate it by trying to make it work and having a one sided conversation. If anything ladies like conversations made about them.

Start by checking on how her day was, what she does for a living, where she lives, what she likes, her favourite colours... The selection is more than you can handle in one night. Believe me with how much ladies love talking, you will not exhaustively cover all the topics. Try not to act bored even if the story doesn’t sound quite interesting. Yawning, rubbing your chin, stretching, these are just but few signs that clearly show you are bored. Avoid them.

Keep the conversation decent. For example don't go too deep when asking which hood she lives in. Leave the plot name and house number out of question. Do not ask deep questions like what happened with your last boyfriend, you will know eventually since ladies like sharing. Avoid conversations that make you look cheap or whinny or insecure as most ladies are mature enough to read such characters. Compliment her genuinely on something you find attractive, but avoid the obvious that may make her feel like an object of desire and concentrate on attributes that make her feel special.

Goodbyes

After a successful dinner and if the attraction was as good as the food served, every part of the body feels awakened. The hands want to touch, the fingers, the lips, the legs. Basically your all body is responsive. Let me give you a secret…DON'T!! As much as I’m sure she feels the same and having enjoyed the evening, what remains is the obvious, it is prudent that you keep yourself under utmost control.

If anything, this last session will have a higher percentage on if you can get a second chance or not. It is always better to leave the girl wanting you or looking forward to more, than wishing they never met you in the first place.

Give her a warm hug, peck her on the cheeks, look her in the eyes and tell her how lovely she looks and how much fun you had spending the evening with her. Plan to see her get home safely. Avoid getting into her house, for behind every close door, the devil visits.

While doing all these, ensure the department below the zip doesn’t betray your innocence by trying to get the attention. Ensure you have the controls all the way. And if you are lucky you will be the talk of the night to other girls and you will have earned yourself a second or a third date or even a permanent lifelong date: A wife.