Saying no to yourself is as important as saying no to others. Charity begins at home. In 2023 practice keeping personal boundaries. Personal boundaries are essential for establishing a healthy relationship with yourself.
You are more likely to find happiness by being present at the moment rather than imagining a better tomorrow. Setting healthy boundaries with yourself starts with being honest and honouring your limits.
We live in a society that constantly tells us that more is better. There is pressure to make more money, buy more stuff, and post more experiences on social media seeking likes from friends and followers.
Evidence shows that we have fallen for the propaganda. The median size of newly constructed houses has grown by 150 per cent since 1980, even though fewer people are living under the same roof. Cars are also getting larger to accommodate all the stuff we haul around.
Our reckless spending is hurting our wallets. Money hardly lasts in our pockets. Households continue to accumulate more debt with balances on credit cards, mobile loans, and mortgages on the rise.
Higher inflation rates have impacted our bottom line, but that does not paint the complete picture. Our appetite for more has turned into an avalanche with no end in sight. You have probably already exhausted your December salary by now.
Our spending habits represent a desperate search to escape feelings of dissatisfaction and find some happiness in an increasingly stressful and hectic world. After all, if everyone else is following this pattern of behaviour, why would you do things differently?
Happiness is not found in stuff. Nor is it found in the accumulation of money. In a survey of millionaires, the majority reported that they needed further increases in wealth to be happier.
Here are five tips to help you establish healthy boundaries with yourself.
Be honest with yourself
Behind every fancy purchase is a desire for status and recognition. You secretly want to be noticed for wearing a new watch or carrying a designer purse. The reality is that you are not being recognised. The shiny object is being noticed as people imagine buying it for themselves. The same can be said about other pursuits, such as accumulating wealth, prestige and power. We often want to be recognised for these achievements.
Embrace your worth
Saying no becomes easier when you detach your worth from material possessions and professional identities. Making more money does not make you more worthy than someone living paycheck to paycheck. Nor does buying a larger home, having an alphabet soup of credentials next to your name, or climbing the corporate ladder.
Remember that your worth is an inherent and undeniable part of who you are. It is derived from your humanity, which we all have in common.
Honour your limits
You can’t be everything to everyone. Trying to please everyone makes you vulnerable to spreading yourself too thin. The truth is, you have a finite amount of energy and time. It is important to be judicious with your resources.
The importance of honouring your limits is highlighted by the Greek mythological figure of Icarus who fell into the sea after making the mistake of flying too close to the sun with feathers held together by beeswax. The story is a reminder that pushing yourself too hard for too long ultimately comes at a cost.
Stop comparing yourself to others
People will engage in behaviours that trigger you. They might make purchases or achieve goals that elicit feelings of envy. It might be tempting to enter an undeclared competition with the Joneses. This approach does not work because there is always someone out there who has more of what you covet.
Stop comparing yourself to others. What someone is doing with their life has no bearing on you. Focus on living an intentional life that is congruent with your values and goals.
Be fair to yourself
You are likely your worst critic. You secretly say things to yourself that you would never have the heart to tell another human being.
Remember to have realistic expectations of yourself. When you set goals, consider whether you have set the bar at a reasonable level. If the goal is lofty and unrealistic, then you have to say no and calibrate your expectations.
Doctorate student in Project Planning and Management at UoN
