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DANGEROUS CO-DEPENDENCE

Both partners' financial freedom crucial in marriage

Men by nature, want to make women submissive in order to gain full control of the family unit

In Summary

• Some convince women to quit jobs and become housewives. 

• But if the man is no longer in picture, they find it hard to move on because of financial dependence on him, low self-esteem. 

A woman works in an office.
INDEPENDENCE: A woman works in an office.
Image: COURTESY

Men and women desire to complete their education, get a career, get married and age in green fields somewhere as their grandchildren make trips to visit them.

Many Kenyans are either married, divorced, single parents or never married. Many times, women settle down quite well after marriage. In fact, the group believes in marriage more than the other sex.

They, thereafter, get at least two children.  While making the decisions to get children, they believe the marriage fabric will forever remain strong.

These women believe the husband will never leave, die or become disabled. But if the man, say, cheats, women find it hard to move on because of financial dependence on him, societal standards, low self-esteem and the fear of losing children or a certain lifestyle. Some women become hopeless, living in faith that no man would ever love them if they have children.

However, to those yet to be married, just married or still single, I would like to advise them on this.

Men by nature, want to make women submissive in order to gain full control of the family unit. Some are quite malicious that they deny the wife an opportunity to progress academically or business-wise. Some convince women to quit jobs and become housewives. Living in this kind of cage is dangerous.

I have seen widows who can’t afford to run their husband’s businesses while others commit suicide because they cannot handle the responsibilities of a family unit. The issue of having children just because one is married is like playing a game of dice with one’s own future and that of their children.

Women should decide to have children when they have a plan such that in case of any misfortune along the way, they will still be able to care for the child. 

 

University of Nairobi