I find that many women will want relationship advice from me. Maybe it is because I talk about relationships a lot. Listen, my expertise on relationships is limited to my opinions and wanting to lead a real life. May I add that I have come to enjoy making people uncomfortable because I challenge the norm.
What I am saying is that you should not look for comfort from me. I have lived long enough to know that many women have been cowed and now prefer to be sheep and follow societal oppressive rules and regulations. I know that you are looking for a reason outside your situation to justify staying or leaving. I do not want to be part of it.
It will usually go something like this, a lady will tell me all the bad things she is going through in her marriage/relationship. And they will make it sound bad, as if they want to move you into action. Sometimes the things they are telling you border on the insane and you wonder if she really has a brain and or family members. Whatever you say next will 'help' them make a decision.
The one who wants to stay will say, after you make the mistake of giving advice, with examples, "No human being is perfect!” As if you were trying to sell her a perfect one. "Men are hard to find, let me struggle with this one otherwise, I will become bitter like Felly!” I do not know when saying the truth became a mark of bitterness, but anyway.
Then there is the one who wants to go but does not want to take responsibility in case things do not go the way she planned in her head. She will say something like, “You know I was going through a lot, it is Felly who told me to pack my things and go.” or “Felly likes saying negative things around me, now the universe is bringing me negativity!”
First, your situation is negative, it is you who is bringing negativity around me. Two, I have no control over what the universe brings you. You create your own karma. Nice of you to think I have so much power though.
I learnt my lesson very quickly though. So if you come to me looking for should I leave or should I stay relationship advice, you will get "wah wah wah…what will you do now?" And then I will probably switch off or gather material for my next article.
You must take responsibility for your own life. You do not need outside permission. Most people need a villain in their lives and will actively look for one to justify their decisions. Some need to be victims throughout so they create a villain to help them in their role. From victims of their spouse to your victim because you gave solicited opinions on whether they should leave or stay.
The next time you feel you need relationship advice, you do not. Especially on matters of “should I stay or should I go?” You already know what to do. What you should ask God, the universe, whoever or whatever for is courage. Courage to do what you want and the peace to live with your decision. It is, after all, your life. Not ours. Stop being a coward.
When I was young I used to wonder why my parents loved going to the village. Any small chance and they would be heading west of the country. Now I know.
If you have a home you can go to, please go when you get a chance. There is something about being somewhere where everyone knows your name and not from anything you have done, but because you exist. The fresh air and the open roads.
The tasty meals remind you of simpler times. The late-night conversations that answer many questions you did not even know you had amidst endless cups of hot tea and the early mornings with hearty greetings. Old hard hands that grip your hands tight but turn soft when they touch your face. Words of wisdom that edify and encourage.
I am becoming like my parents. I have just come back from the village and I am already trying to figure out when next I can create a little time to dash west.
