Someone posted on Facebook: “If he cheated with you, what makes you think he will not cheat on you?”
Well, you know how the comments on this type of post usually go. The women who are still hurting will be cheering and almost tagging the other woman. They will share it and whatnot. Anything to make you feel a little better that the other woman will also suffer the same fate as you.
By the way, I used to be here and it did not help, that was the way we used to be comforted. “He will do the same to her”.
Now I ask, “And who will do it to him?” Of course, no one thinks about it. He is just expected to act on behalf of karma and keep cheating till his last breath.
So I added a comment and said, “Why would I want to spend my time thinking about who he is cheating with? Why not just enjoy the moment because he will have another woman or women whether you were first in line or not!”
Wueh! As the “ I have self-respect” brigade started.
Why would your self-respect be pegged on a man’s actions? You guys really take some things too seriously and it will definitely cause heartbreak. First of all, not everything in your life has to be a feminist protest. You do not have to constantly picket, especially in a relationship.
Ok so you have found out there is another woman, your self-respect will make you go or will it make you stay? You see this is the problem I have with women who are busy shouting about respect in public, when you know the money you lent him is what was used to pay your co-wife’s dowry. Now you want to cheat another unsuspecting woman to have self-respect and leave.
And another thing: Maybe you are the other woman finding out about the main woman but you do not know you are the mpango. What happens then?
What I am trying to say is you have very little control when you choose to trust someone. You only know what he tells you and what he shows you. So you cannot then want to shoulder his lies and base your worth on them. That is his doing and it should reflect on him.
Listen, things happen and I am not saying it will be fun but it will happen. As they say, many men do not marry the woman they love. They find the love of their lives after marriage.
So, if he has found the love of his life, and he is not chasing you away, the children are fed and clothed, why not use the ‘free’ time to either look for your love (please be clever about this. We are not playing tit for tat) or if he is your love, find a way to manage the situation?
Do not use your pain (It will pass I promise as long as you do not take ownership of his actions) to make harmful roadside declarations, whether you follow through with them or not.
Maybe the man will ‘cheat’ (I put this in quotes because we really do not know who is being cheated on. You, her, me?) on the one he cheated with. Maybe he will not. Why do you want to spend your best years worried about it?
What really gets my goat though is the way there are no repercussions for the man, real or imagined. Maybe there is no karma in such situations because everyone involved is an adult. What is good for the goose cooks the gander yes? (I know what I said). So if nothing happens to him, why do you think something should happen to her or you? We behave like relationships are meant to be static; we are old enough to know things change for everyone. You, too, may decide you want to try elsewhere. You will not be the first believe me. So let us stop acting brand new. Take things as they are and make informed decisions.
Meanwhile, did you get a chance to see 66-year-old M’bilia Bel? You guys! And some self-loathing mongoose wants to tell you how old and useless you are at 30 and that you should be sitting at home knitting booties for grandchildren. My friend, I will buy my grandchildren socks from Woolworths, let us meet on the dance floor. This waist was made for dancing.
