FELGONAH: Show empathy, people are facing a lot

Lately, there have been a lot more ‘open’ suicides. I guess social media will do that to you. You get online and you rarely miss the distress posts then a few days or even hours later, a death announcement.

I have taken to answer, ‘I am alive” when asked how I am. Not that being alive is the best thing by the way. I sometimes think it is not. The darkness and silence of death can sometimes be alluring (I don't want to kill myself please).

The greatest tragedy for me when someone dies by suicide is the moments, hours, days and even years leading up to the act. How lonely and totally hopeless they must have felt. To be without a choice that your only way out was to exit this world alone and in sadness.

People are going through very hard times. Maybe we could try and make life just a little easier. I thought of some things we could do, rather not do. Bear in mind that I have a word limit so this list is not exhaustive.

When someone tells you things are thick for them, resist the urge to try and encourage them. Do not say stupid things like, “you are strong” or “I do not know how you manage”. It is condescending. They have no choice about where life has them at the moment.

Do not even try to motivate them with those ridiculous motivational stories. Ati, boiling water hardens an egg and softens potatoes so choose how tough times affect you. Listen, no one wants to be a boiled egg or a mashed potato. People just do not want to suffer. So if you cannot give them eggs and potatoes to eat, please just practise the art of silence.

If your friend, or whoever, is in a bind, do not call them out for a drink yawa. Let us try to think as often as we can. Someone calls you and says, “dude, I think I have reached the end” then because your brain is on a break, you say to them, “come I buy you a drink”. What is your problem in all honesty?

I have always said in Nairobi, it is easy to sleep hungry and it is even easier to get drunk. Now you call this poor fellow for a drink, he comes hoping he will get the courage to ask you for Sh2,000 to buy electricity tokens, ugali unga and sukuma wiki.

He gets there and he sits meekly next to you. There is a humility that being broke gives people that I hate watching. So now that he is being bought drinks, he will drink whatever you choose. “Bwana drink whiskey! Money is not a problem.” (It is, you nincompoop)

Poor guy has not had anything to eat, the alcohol goes straight to his head. You have bought drinks worth Sh3,000 for him, then because you are good, you order him an Uber and pay for it. Aki, you people.

If someone calls you and says I do not know what I will eat, send them even that Sh300. There is a way we become miracle workers when we are broke. That money can feed the 5,000 of Jesus' day.

And then when you have given the money or whatever help, please just calm down. You now cannot make it the topic of discussion. I once sat at a local where two people were beating their chests for being such great people. They went on about how they were better than a certain person who did not tip.

One said how she always brought food to sell but she always gave the messenger for free and she had even paid his child’s school fee and given his wife her old dresses. Yawa nani, what is it? Seasons of lack are already humiliating, why do you want to turn what could be a life-saving gesture into an even more humiliating affair?

Maybe if we handled each other with a little more care then many would not choose the eternal darkness so fast. Let us give people the option of staying and trying. Sure we may not have money to save someone from all their debt, but we can point them towards someone who is hiring. I may not know why what is happening to you is happening, but I will call you and check on you. You can talk to me, I will not share your nakedness.

Let us put more good karma and maybe some of our people will want to stick around just a little bit longer.