You know as women, we are made to believe men have a better time in life than we do. And maybe they do, but we also can have a good time if we did not peg everything on a man.
We always feel wronged and often do not take responsibility for anything that happens in a relationship. The story is better when we decide the man is a dog or reptile, and many times, the man is wrong because we allowed it.
I wrote a tribute the other day to a dear friend. I thought I was just thanking a friend and was not ready for a response. But the response made me think deeper and different about men. For there are some good men out there and some really shitty ones as well. The latter often make the good ones smell awful thus blinding us.
I have been going over emails and WhatsApp messages and I must say some of the things that have occurred to me are hard to swallow, even for me.
Listen ladies, you know I love you and I will continue to champion our causes. Sometimes though, the spade is not a big spoon. We need to take some responsibility for some of the things that happen to us in our relationships
In my tribute, I mentioned that a man is just a human being. Human beings come in all sorts of shapes, with all manner of ideas and intentions. Each one of their goals and dreams, different from the last ones. We must always take a man for who he is. Not all men are fathers and not all men are husbands. You are lucky if you find one who is both. Just because he marries you or fathers your children does not make him either.
Sometimes we get into relationships young and do not realise this. I feel once we know, we should stop being lunatics. So number one, stop trying to make a man what he is not. It never ends well. You will hate him, he will hate you and all men will be canines.
Remember a man is a human being. We want strong men. Men who know what to do. Who can read our minds. Who can make us orgasm every time. Who have loads of money overflowing from somewhere. Who never get tired, or sick, or scared. It is not possible. It is not fair.
This does not mean men should not try, it means if they sometimes show us their true feelings, we should be careful with and kind to them. We allow them to be human. We let them feel safe. That is number two, he is just a person that feels, that fails just like you.
A man, bullish and strong, or so it seemed to the world. He always faced danger head on. He spoke his mind. They feared and admired him in equal measure. He was generous to a fault. But no one ever saw the real him. He worked hard for others but was never truly accepted. He was welcomed to many places but because of what his presence signified.
No one took the time to look beyond the facade. For many men, this is their story. The loneliness of never being able to show who you really are. Never being able to break down and cry. Never being vulnerable. Never being accepted. The burden of everyone's problems but no one cares to listen to yours because they think you are “strong”.
Finally, because we have a word count. Men are lonely. Do not be fooled by the bravado. Deep down they are small boys who want a hug sometimes. They also want to be taken care of (I am not saying pay his rent and buy his drinks. More like, rub his feet and listen to what concerns him, without judgement)
As I said, there are some good men out there. If you are fortunate to be with or near one, appreciate him.
Happy Father’s Day to the fathers who are present even when they do not feel or have enough. You have made the world a better place.
Happy Father’s Day to that man too, who refused to wish me a happy Mother’s Day because I am not his mother. I have decided to be the bigger person.
