Why go crazy over a relationship?

My mother always told me, "Never threaten a man you are in a relationship with. You either do what you are going to do or shut up until you are ready to do it.”

Whatever action you take, better be for your good. Not for him to feel bad, because let us face the reality, this gender seldom feels bad. Let me rephrase, this gender is easily distracted.

A woman fed up with her husband coming home late one early morning told the bugger to go back where he came from. The bugger turned and went back to wherever. For seven days and seven nights, there was no word from him. This was not the way it was supposed to go.

According to her script which only she had access to, she was supposed to tell him to go, he was supposed to plead, she would then pretend to play hardball but his begging would wear her down. Now Mr Bugger did not get the memo. He followed instructions. He was told to go so he went. (That may be the only time he did what he was told)

By day eight she was beside herself with worry and fear. She called his cell phone but he would not pick. So she did what many a woman would do after ducking up. She went to his office and hid in the parking lot waiting to see if he at least was going to work. Sure he enough he had been at work. She saw him leave. Clean, well dressed and jovial.

So her SMS pleas began, "Baby, come home", and emissaries were sent to plead temporary insanity on her part. Mr bugger of course was no easy catch. He played hard to get! She lost whatever leverage she had or thought she had. He knew she would not make it without him and she proved it, giving him a “get out of jail card.” You either go or stay. Otherwise, you will constantly be told to pack because everyone knows you are not going anywhere.

There is the Woishe Death Seekers Anonymous. These ones wish death on themselves anytime something goes wrong in their relationships. They either threaten to commit suicide or become foreseers. "This man will suffer when I die!" Or decide to engage in life-threatening activities that often lead to the end of their lives.

Listen, we already said men are easily distracted. Whatever you decide to do must be for your benefit. Do not think dying will make him feel bad. His girlfriends will be on your funeral committee competing with each other over who can comfort him more. Maybe even some of your friends are eyeing him and you are threatening his life with your death.

A certain woman gave a testimony about how she prayed for a husband and the day she got one, she moved into his house with only her clothes. She found a household already set up. That's how God works for His chosen. Turns out the man was her recently dead friend's husband and the grapevine has it that the walk to marriage started long before her friend went to the afterlife.

So friend, just do you yawa. Yes, we are in relationships, serious ones even, but it is not worth going crazy for. Hizi vitu we agreed tunaweka kwa lungs.

In our desperation to make a relationship work, we have become bumbling buffoons and most times to the detriment of our children’s well-being.

I recently found a 10-year-old email exchange between my ex and I. Let me tell you Maina, I felt very sorry for the woman I used to be. The only positive thing is that we fought on email. But the position I was in. The hopelessness I thought I was in. It is never that serious.

A relationship that turns you into a weather forecaster, always threatening people with rain is not where you should want to be. Listen, you can also learn to live with it without turning into a court jester. (I am not advocating divorce) Weigh your pros and cons, pick your battles. Most of our parents lived that way anyway.

What I am trying to say is, your relationship should not make you act out of character, my dear woman. While you cannot be happy all the time (you are not on drugs), you should not be a madwoman with a death wish.

We are, at the end of the day, responsible for our own actions.

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