Put some thought into your lies

Men lie. Women lie. Men just take it to a whole new level. Remember we agreed that at some point a man will lie, it is part of the pitching, we said, but there are a bunch of men in Nairobi that take lying to another level. It is like they are GOATs of lying. Do they feel bad about it?

Someone said posting your significant other on the socials is like saying “Look who is cheating on me now!” Another said, loving a man can be the most embarrassing thing you do to yourself. That one actually made me HAHAHA too hard. Mostly because I know very well what she was saying. Married men in Nairobi, you will put your hands on your head and wail.

As always, you will be minding your own business, drinking water and making sure your curl formation is on point. Someone’s husband will approach you and of course, you will ask the basic questions. Are you married? Is someone married to you? Does someone think you are married to her? Do you live with someone and share a bed with her? Might you have signed a paper somewhere saying you are joined in holy matrimony?

Mercifully, these days they remember they are married, only now they are leaving the marriage. As in, their hearts are out of the marriage, only their bodies are in and it is because of the children and the latest being that they are good people and so must wait till the one they are leaving are on their feet before they send them away. (Awwww, he is human!)

I always wonder how many women know that their marriages are on the brink of divorce. You are busy posting your dear husband while out here word is that your days are numbered because you are a witch who does not know how to be a man’s peace.

This is how you will lose some years of your life waiting for his divorce to be final. He does not promise to leave her, he has already left her. In his heart. It is finished. Somehow she ends up pregnant. Well, to be fair it is the heart that left. The body was still there.

I would really like to know a man’s thought process when he is spinning this rubbish. He knows he is not leaving his wife in whatever form, heart, body or mind. So what is he going to say after three years and the situation is the same? Oops?

Women, do not start anything until he has left with his body. The heart is where the body is. Basic biology.

Then there is the school of money is coming tomorrow. If you married this pathological liar, I feel for you my sister. This goose will sit you down and make plans knowing very well that he does not have the money and will not have it even in 10 years, not even if his father was Jesus. How does he think it will pan out? Because tomorrow will come. Does he expect you to have lost your mind or been struck by amnesia?

A story is told of a man whose first child was getting ready to join nursery school, baby class. As you can tell, this is not an emergency. When they had the baby, we are sure they expected it to grow and go to school, not go to the field and eat grass. So as the day drew nigh, his madam reminded him of fees required as he had asked her to go to the school and get the list of things required. Do you know this goose promised his wife money on the weekend before school was to begin?

They woke up that Saturday, went to town with his very pregnant wife and waited in line at the bank for almost an hour. (The days when ATM cards were for people who banked in big banks) This man knew very well he had no money. I know people believe in miracles but this one is plain madness. Anyway, he did not have the money, he blamed the bank, his brother and the non-existent contract he had done in his stupid head.

I understand human beings sometimes embellish to protect feelings, to save themselves, even for personal gain. But put some thought into it. It shows respect for someone’s intelligence. Yes, we may eventually find out you lied, but we will not feel so bad because you took the time to come up with some believable story.

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