How to survive cheating 101

You have found out your man is cheating on you. Your eyes are hot and the tears are boiling. Your head wants to explode, bells are ringing in your head. Your knees are wobbly, you feel like you may fall. Your chest feels heavy, you can barely breathe.

It is not easy. We laugh now but there was a time when we cried until we thought we would die of dehydration. Someone said life is too short to make all the mistakes yourself. Learn from others. So here is a guide to dealing with finding out you are being cheated on. Because you thought you were the only one (sigh!) and did not know the Y in YOUR was silent.

First, I know you probably want to track him down if you are not together. Do not. Sit yourself at home and respect yourself. Anything can happen. You can get into an accident because you are blind with rage or you might get to where he is and he chooses to run off with her and leave you there in your nightdress and one slipper. I have always wondered why we almost always find out a man is cheating on us at night. This devil works hard at night yawa, costing women their sleep!

Do not tell your family unless you are absolutely sure you are done with him. If you are lucky, your family will be on your side. They see you in pain and will hate the man. You on the other hand may forgive him and move on and expect your people to move on too. They cannot.

Do not bother going to tell on him to his family and or friends. They already know her.

We always like to round up some women and do foolish things. Women are empaths. I will help you because I have been through it and may have not been able to do anything for my own situation, so now I have misplaced anger and I am happy to help you beat her, him, his mother and their stupid cow, Sadam.

But believe me, you do not need that drama, these days they sleep with your man, you beat them and they call the police. They used to run and hide in shame. So tell a few less passionate women who can talk you through it and help you make decisions that do not land you in Lang’ata Women’s.

Please stay away from social media. Do not post those sad memes with vague captions. Do not look for her social media accounts. You will die. Mostly because you will see how many friends you have in common and the shame, oh the shame! I do not think anyone understands how it feels to be posting your world and everyone else knows that you are part of a solar system. (Note to women: love these men quietly)

This is serious, do not try to take your life. Or your children’s lives. Or his life. It helps with nothing. This is life. It is never if someone cheats, it is when they cheat. So let us calm down and not make people die for sins. Nobody deserves to die. You may deserve a little drink, or a lot, but let us keep the Ten Commandments.

Another very important lesson. Do not cry and beg. It is repulsing. After watching these American love stories, we think tears are what will tip him to our side. Not so. These beasts are not moved by tears. Cry in private but after that, shika skirt tight.

That is not to say that now we do tit for tat. Do what you want. What will make you happy. What you can handle. If cheating back makes you happy, then by all means. Though sometimes it is good to step back and take a moment or years. You do not want to jump from the pot to the fire.

Also, do not start packing your bags. If it is the first time, you will probably be coming back so save us the trips. If it is the tenth time you will still be coming back. Stop making us dizzy with your going and coming.

In as much as we would like to look at it lightly, these days there are many sexually transmitted diseases. Make choices that help you live. Sometimes you are economically dependent on your reptile. Do not make rush decisions. Cheating you can handle, and let us be honest, it is only cheating the first time you find out. After that is sharing.

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