TELLING IT AS IT IS

Blame your mum, not the devil

In Summary

• It is easy to blame the devil, instead of just accepting people for who they are. People are just people. Men more so.

• If you did not listen to him when he said or showed you who he was, do not look for the devil in me.

I have been accused of being many things since I started calling things what they are, but this one takes the cake. Last week someone said to me that I am being used by the devil.

I was told, nay, warned not to ‘allow’ the devil to open doors in my life. Listen, if you have the luxury of fearing the devil then you have not suffered. Suffering is an awakening. The devil could walk into my house and I would be annoyed that he did not remove his shoes or he banged my door.

Most of the things we suffer, we suffer because of denial and blame games. We refuse to see what is in front of us and then because we cannot will (we no longer wish for things) it away, we start blaming the devil. We are so good at doing this. You cannot blame the devil for the things that you do or the things you drive people to do or the things human beings want to do.

 
 

Someone reminded me of Maya Angelou’s famous quote, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. It has nothing to do with this devil you popularise. Me writing about the here and now and how best to cope will not make your husbands less or more promiscuous and or polygamous, they will just continue being themselves. If you did not listen to him when he said or showed you who he was, do not look for the devil in me. I might dance with him but he cannot use me.

At the same time, I get it. I get that blame games are a way of coping. Coping with guilt, coping with disappointment. Stop blaming the devil though, it is our mothers we should blame. For the disappointment. I know Mother’s Day is approaching and we should say only good things about our mothers. They let us down though, they did not prepare us for relationships.

I know Mother’s Day is approaching and we should say only good things about our mothers. They let us down though, they did not prepare us for relationships. The real part of it.

The real part of it. We were told as girls not to be lazy, be very clean, cook well, look good, do not have headaches, have smart and quiet children and to pray a lot and your relationship or marriage will be good. In short, do the right thing and all will be well. And we did the right things, and more, and yet he still cheated with the cross-eyed girl with the onion body shape, even after you went to the gym after the babies.

He preferred to sleep in a dingy lodging, even fall out of the window and break some bones, when you lived in an apartment with an elevator. It is easy to blame the devil, instead of just accepting people for who they are. People are just people. Men more so. No outside force can really make someone do what they do not want to do. If you have ever had a toddler, you know we start doing what we want very early. Get over the disappointment. It is what it is, he is who he is.

Then there are the guilty ones who would rather blame the devil than own up to their history. Maybe because they think history repeats itself. It does. So you would rather call history a devil then use everything to try and kill this imaginary devil that you see everywhere.

Many, so many women started off as side chicks and mpangos then somewhere along the line the wife seat either fell vacant or you overthrew the reigning queen. Now you are here fighting your roots. You made the bed, just lie in it. The devil is not here.

Religion is truly an opium. We would rather be high than deal with things as they are. My philosophy is be present, accept the situation, cope the best way possible. You only have the one life, and if you do it right, you get to be an ancestor. Do not spend your life in misery with an imaginary devil.

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