The number of weddings that I have been attending lately is starting to worry me. Admittedly, weddings were never my thing. But I have attended three in the last month and I already have invites for two more in the coming weeks.
Last week I was at my colleague’s wedding in Karen. It was the same pattern of events that all such ceremonies adopt, for the most part. But the highlight for me was when the couple exchanged their vows.
They steered clear of the tired ‘for better or worse’ mantra and made their own unique promises to each other. How refreshing, especially given that no two marriages are the same.
The reasons why one couple may decide to get married are not necessarily why me and mine would choose to jump the broom. It is therefore weird that we all adopt the same chant of ‘till death do us part’ to conform.
I have a crazy proposal: perhaps even more radical than the setting up of a government-funded Kenya School of Marriage (KESOMA). I am proposing a far-reaching change to the Marriage Act, to do away with the ‘married for life’ ideology and make marital unions five-year renewable contracts.
In essence, do away with the “till death do us part” principle in favour of reasoned out business-like agreements. A suitor presents his interest through a proper document detailing what he or she intends to do for the union, what they hope to gain from it (including the possibility of having children) as well as the input they intend to put in.
Whoever receives such a proposal then goes through it with their lawyer and if in agreement, responds with a similar document. Once both parties agree, they sign a five-year binding document without any option of divorce or separation until the period expires.
Not even death of a partner should be reason to breach the contract. If one of the two passes on, the other remains widowed until expiry of the contract. Only then can they be free to enter another deal. Let’s face it, times have changed, roles altered and society no longer holds such unions with the esteem that they once drew.
We need to move with the times. Those archaic wedding vows no longer work and we know it. “For better or worse” no longer holds true for many people today. “To love and to hold” is no longer the main reason why people enter into marriage in 2015. Why reduce such a serious agreement to some generic poetry that is clearly cliché?
A friend of mine confessed to me she got married, solely, to get her masters degree in medicine paid for. She knew her father could not afford such an endeavour. She, however, was not averse to the fact that getting married would mean the possibility of getting children and having to perform other wifely duties. She was OK with that.
She was not doing it ‘for better or worse’ – hell no.
So she completed her master’s degree and immediately walked out of the marriage, even leaving with the two children they had together. Of course the man felt really cheated and rightly so.
He had spent his money on a woman who clearly had no intention of living with him once her immediate needs were met. Such a woman should surely be punished. KESOMA should revoke her marriage licence. But the poor man had no route for redress.
A contract would help seal such loopholes and cushion those who enter such unions from distress. Why not just be truthful about our intentions and sign a proper contract? Let’s be frank, not everyone enters marriage because of love, yet we all use this lie and even vow before God. Hell surely awaits many married people.
