Men love to say that women turn their children against them. Sometimes I wonder if they remember being a child. Most of these men grew up in homes where their fathers growled like diesel engines. All the time.
You could not tell if they were happy or sad. They know what it felt like to be helpless when that man came home and kicked in their door, went to the table and poured out their supper. They can still remember their mother trembling as she tried to shield her children once the blows started.
'One day I will be strong enough to protect my mother!'
I can assure you many a little boy made that declaration on such nights of terror.
Years go by, the diesel mzee is now a kerosene tin lamp.The little boy is now a towering man. When he goes to his home, he will be found hanging out in his mother's kitchen, tasting meat from the cooking pot as they laugh at silly stories. He will then remove wads of cash from his wallet and quietly press them into his mother's old hands.
As he is leaving, he will openly remove a Sh1,000 note and hand it to his father and then a Sh500 note to his mother. That is his payback. That, is him protecting his mother.
Who manipulated the boy now man? Who turned him against his father? Please remember that his mother must have on many occasions even beat him up, if he dared to try to protect her. She never allowed him to talk ill of his abuser/father. He just found a way to rebel.
We need to stop this fake victimhood some people are trying to take us to. We do not like that hood.
Listen, you cannot behave like a grizzly bear in your house, in front of your children, and think they will not be afraid of you. You cannot decide to act out of character and think your offspring have amnesia.
You cannot be absent and think that their hearts will grow fond of you. You are a stranger.
You cannot let one party struggle to look after your children and then expect loyalty from them.
We were all children once. And as children, we were always for the side we thought was weaker. This is why I say we are all born just and good before the world turns us into beasts. The kids will sympathize with the party that is being treated unfairly. When they grow older, their allegiance will still be to the once weaker side and they will help them get revenge or they will find their own way to oppress you. Whatever revenge looks like, you will pay. Usually, it is emotional and economical.
Are there occasions when there is some outright influence from say the child's mother? Of course, there are. But this influence is only as strong as the father's role. Children might be little but they understand a lot.
A story is told of a woman who because she was the bread winner took her then husband through one humiliating ordeal after another. They had children who had front row seats to the spectacle they called a marriage.
When the children were adults, they went back to their father and said, " You have suffered enough, you should also enjoy!" They encouraged him to take another wife.
I have never understood why people think children are blind and deaf and cannot process feelings. My mother used to say that once a baby can see, they can process everything happening around them. Now imagine a grown man wants to tell us that his teenagers cannot tell what is going on?
So if you feel your little children are being manipulated by the other party, maybe you should examine your role because chances are, you are playing the lead: Your cocking up is necessary for the manipulation to work.
Children grow up and we who are parents and older, grow older still. One day our children are literally at our mercy. And another day we wake up and we are at their mercy. What goes around, comes around.
If you have children, realise that parenting is sacred. How dare you mess up and blame someone else? Be an adult, it is not about you, it is about the children.
