When she joined the campus, it didn’t take long to find a boyfriend.
“The older guys in campus were always after the freshers. I landed the
tallest, darkest, and most handsome of all the third years. I thought I was finally
living my fairytale,” she says.
But the reality didn’t match the fantasy.
According to the 2024 Kenya Vital Statistics Report by the Kenya National
Bureau of Statistics, marriage among women aged 15–49 dropped from 68.1% in
1989 to 48.1% in 2022.
A February 2025 report by Mwelekeo Insights shows that only 29% of Nairobi
women consider marriage a key life goal. Out of 2,687 women interviewed, 53%
said they do not aspire to get married.
Marcia says her relationship started changing after two years.
“He would go out all night without telling me. But if I went out with my
girls, even after telling him a week before, he would get angry. He wanted me
to cook and clean for him like a wife, yet we weren’t even engaged.”
She adds that her fashion choices, once praised, suddenly became a problem.
“He started accusing me of dressing to attract other men. During arguments,
he would say I was just being emotional because I’m a woman. That broke me.
Since then, I’ve kept my distance from men.”
Halima Hawa shares a different story. She grew up in a polygamous family on the Coast, where she was the first daughter of her father's second wife.
“Submission was drilled into me. I was the only girl, and while my ten
brothers played all day, I was in the kitchen. Even when I did well in school,
my parents only cared that I become a woman fit for marriage.”
Determined to change her future, Halima worked diligently and now aspires to become a top accountant.
Charity
Nasimiyu, not her real name, traces her dislike for marriage to her teenage
years.
“My father died of cancer when I was eleven. My mother later remarried. At
first, my stepfather acted like a good man. But within three months, he started
beating my mother. It got worse when he was drunk,” she said.
Charity’s voice trembles as she recalls what happened next.
“When I was fifteen, he started touching me. Then one night, when my mother
was away, he came to my room and raped me. I’ve never been the same. How can I
think about marriage after that?”
Psychologist Dr. Simon Sironka of Nairobi Rakusei Mental Hospital says many
Kenyan women are rejecting marriage because of how they were raised.
“In most African homes, the man is the head and makes all the decisions.
Women stay in abusive marriages for the sake of their children. If the society wants more Kenyans to consider marriage, the change has to begin from home," he said.
Mercy Njoki, who has been married for 10 years, says society needs to stop
shaming women who take time to get married.
“Every woman should take her time and only marry someone who fits her
values, emotionally, mentally, and financially. No one should rush into marriage or
settle for less.”
