My first assignment for my master's degree was discussing the topic, Journalists hold up the mirror to society. I have never forgotten it. Today I find myself wondering if motherhood is the mirror that exposes our true selves. The reflection that shows us who we really are, flaws and all.
I came across a video that a lot of self-proclaimed ‘parental experts’ discussed on social media. It was a video of a woman holding her toddler while seated at a table in a restaurant. The mother was preoccupied with reading the menu, and the kid was playing. Out of nowhere, WHAM! Kid slaps mum hard across the face! Instinctively, the mother raises her hand to strike back, but as her gaze lands on her ‘assailant’, her open hand balls into a fist and stops midway.
The look on the mother’s face was a universal language to most mums in the world. The mum caught herself in time and it was the new role of motherhood that had taught her to hold her reactions, otherwise her old self, buried beneath mountains of sleepless nights and memories of pre-child era, would have struck the person that struck her. You see, the wilful ignorance of youth and naiveté makes us believe that we know ourselves well enough, but along comes a cuter version of you that will make you question every experience you have ever had.
This is something I think about all the time as a first-time mother. Where did the old me go? Did she just disappear with a poof when the baby was put in my arms in that operating room? I thought I knew myself pretty well as an adult without a child, but everyday as an adult who is a mother, I learn new things about myself. New limits that can be pushed, new strengths that can be achieved, and definitely new lows that I stumble across.
The little life lessons we learnt growing up as we butted heads with other people are incomparable to the lessons a little human will teach you. A real challenge is facing a challenger who is much smaller than you, yet can cause you the most pain in an instant. We learn of our true nature on those days we can barely function from two hours of sleep.
Motherhood teaches us more than we could ever imagine possible about our true selves. There are those who find joy in the challenge of being a mother, there are those who know from early on they are not cut out for the role. Then there is me. The little motherhood experience I have is showing me that I am not cut out to be a mother of multiples. I may be working on my patience skills and nurturing skills but I don’t believe I have the emotional bandwidth to raise multiple children.
