I came across a debate on Twitter that steamed me up pretty good. Someone posted a screenshot of a wedding committee he was invited to. The total wedding budget was Sh900,000! The groom had pledged Sh100,000 and the bride had pledged Sh30,000. This leaves a whopping Sh770,000 to be contributed by well-wishers and family.
The Twitter thread was filled with similar posts and screenshots from other people, who shared their experiences of wedding committees. Not one post was empathetic towards the couple. Why? Because we live in a post-pandemic world. If the last two years have taught us anything, it is that wedding, parties, events, outings are superficial things we can live without. What matters is the solid foundation we are creating in marriage. A wedding can cost a lot of money, while a marriage costs a small fee at the registrar’s office.
We are our brother’s keeper for things that are essential. We can come together for the aid of those who are suffering without question. However, to be forced into a committee that requires you to make reality out of an entitled bride’s dream wedding is where we draw the line. We need to stop. Chamas, harambees or committees for weddings, dowries, parties or other milestone events need to be abolished.
Consider this; parents with children in school had to pay four term fees this year and last year instead of the regular three terms in a year. Responsibilities for food, health and basic necessities are already stretching budgets to the limits. The inflation rate this year has also been on a steady incline. Parents and people in general are trying hard to keep their heads above the tide that is pulling them down. The last thing that is on their mind is to make someone else’s big day memorable by forking out thousands of shillings simply because you believe they are morally indebted to you.
Perhaps I am unfamiliar with the concept, as it is not part of my culture. However, as an adult, I knew better when I got married, not because my culture taught me so but it was pure logic governed by my situation. I did not have a big wedding because I did not want one. Moreover, I could not afford a big wedding. Even if I did, I would rather have spent the money on a far better experience for my husband and myself. I believe the decision for having an intimate wedding is one I will never regret. I never felt guilty telling those who asked why they were not invited that it was a small thing, “just family”.
I was not going to put myself in debt to entertain people I hardly speak to. I find that it is enough of a hustle just attending a wedding. Gifts to the couple aside, one has to consider the cost of attending such weddings. For instance, in my culture, a wedding can last up to four days. Different events that require different dress codes, transport, hair and makeup costs, jewellery and so on. It is honour enough to attend a wedding of such magnitude without the pressure of having to contribute to the wedding itself.
Whether it be a parent, a relative or an acquaintance, nobody owes you a dream wedding just as they do not owe you a dream car, a dream house or even pampers for your newborn. We should contribute because we want to not because we are forced to. Forcing strangers to contribute large sums of money that even the couple (and their families) cannot, is entitled and cruel. We need to let go of such practices as they are no longer relevant in the times we live in.
