Love dulls a lot of our senses. Often it takes a big jolt to get us awake and sensible again.
I remember when I was first woken up from my love's slumber. My friends, there is nothing like finding out that your sweetest potato is cheating on you yawa. It is like being kicked in the chest by a donkey owada. Apart from the pain I felt, I think the ego takes an extensive bruising. But being cheated on sometimes can be one of the best things to happen to you.
I know, you think this is one of those stupid motivational cliches where I will say everything happens for a reason and your future will be brighter. No. Duck that. Everything that happens from here on depends on what you choose to do. Oh, but your future can be brighter.
You have just found out, for heaven’s sake, please do not pray (I know I mentioned heaven) or try to manipulate the situation. Everyone did what they wanted to do and no one fell into anyone's bed by mistake. Respect yourself and the other party’s choices.
What you could look at is the possibility that you could actually do better in two ways.
Cheating can be the end of a relationship because your potato fell off the pedestal and the scales in your eyes cleared. What many people do not understand is that cheating exposes all our vulnerabilities. You can now see the person for who they are. Do you want to be with that person? Sometimes no. So you can thank him and be on your way.
The second way in which you can do better is by actually realising that you have neglected yourself. Yes, we are vain beings, but I am not even really talking about personal appearance. I know this has been used against women a lot.
The first thing a woman does when she finds out that her man is cheating is to hit the gym or get on a water diet. Nani, they cheat on supermodels and women who have made it to the list of most beautiful people in the world. So duck that. I mean doing better by no longer betraying yourself.
What do I mean by betraying yourself? When you are in love, you tend to put the other person's needs before yours even if you wanted the drumstick so much instead of the chicken wing. Well, you overlooked yourself and what did it get you? So from now on, you do what you want, within reason yawa, especially if you are still in the relationship.
Being cheated on does not have to mean the end of the world and the beginning of hating men. In fact, if you stay reasonable, it actually gives you courage. Listen, since you started going out with that man and maybe even married him, what was your biggest fear? That he would cheat on you. And you dedicate everything to keep that from happening. Your biggest motivation is fear. Fear of shame, being alone, tears, not living up to some unrealistic standards, etc.
Now everything that you feared has happened. And what is more, you are still here. You are free. You not only have courage, but you also have the freedom to explore.
Explore you ask? Yes. Explore your options. I know you did not think you had those. And wait, not just options in other men (by the way you can) but also in the choices you can make about yourself and that relationship.
Cheating is not the worst thing that can happen to you. We have given it too much marketing and PR. And because men are the founding cheaters, they did a good job at passing the blame to women. He cheats and then says it is because you are not as thin as you used to be or your cross-eyes scare him at night. Meanwhile, your eyes were crossed from birth.
We have been carrying unnecessary baggage. You do not have to fear being cheated on. The outcome can be very fulfilling. Just do not seek faith-based help. Get more progressive help, whether you decide to stay or go. You can move on from it better and happier.
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