FELGONAH: Goat Wife, support your husband

Dear Goat wife, your husband may not be alive if it was not for his side chick. Hear me out, I know you are trying to summon white Jesus, the holy ghost and hellfire.

The truth of the matter is that most men would have taken their lives and maybe their whole family's life if it was not for that woman you think was sent by your village witches. (That is if you know she exists)

I have always asked men why they would marry and even have children with a woman they cannot tell their deepest darkest secrets. Why keep a woman in your house, some do not contribute anything, not even bad ideas?

I know a man whose wife told him the only love she has is for his children. That she has no love left for him. And yet he is still there, working well over retirement age because if he does not give her a certain life, she will up and go. (But where do you women find these types of men yawa?)

I have always wondered how a man stays in a situation where the person he is supposed to be closest to, is the person he trusts the least with his vulnerability.

You share body fluids, she knows you are a one-minute man and about your extra toe, you share children, you know each other’s ancestral homes, in some cases, you stood before God and a whole lot of people and swore to become ‘as one’. But telling her you cannot afford the house you live in is where you draw the line.

So instead of telling the love of his life that things are thick, he lets her build castles on sand while he looks for another woman that he can tell everything. A mistress or his mother. He needs this other woman/women for his marriage to work. And for him to stay sane and in many cases, even alive.

As many wives live in blissful ignorance, their men are crying, literally, their eyes out in the bosoms of other women.

I now realise that a man may have had all the right intentions. Moved his family to the right neighbourhood, took his children to the group of schools and scheduled holidays to islands. Life happened (the client delayed payment, the marketing gig backfired, he was sacked or he was conned) and he cannot tell that grown woman he lives with that now they have to tighten their belts.

What does he do? He continues acting like all is well. Wakes up every morning, takes a shower and leaves the house, maybe for the bar. His mother or girlfriend may send him money for fuel. How many times have you heard that a woman was busy editing CVs for a man or helping him pay rent for a house he lives in with his wife and children?

He will pass by her house in the evening where he will be able to take a nap and be offered a hot meal and there will be no expectations. He will get that peace they are always telling us to be.

Then one day when he gets money, and Goat Wife finds out about the other woman, she will start a prayer chain and dry fasting because the other woman must have used witchcraft yawa. Meanwhile, it was that peace they will not let us forget that he needed.

I understand how this can be tricky. You need a man to be a man but also you must be able to throw him a rope, not to hang himself yaye. I believe you can tell a hard-working ambitious man from a woman-eater or lazy bum.

You know the man you married. You know his potential. Support that guy. I'm not saying go out and get a huge loan or pay for golf club membership or take on all the family responsibilities. You may not even be able to.

Allow that man to come home and say it like it is. Allow him to even cry. Listen without criticism. The fact that he would rather die than allow you to know he has failed must count for something yawa.

The lizards out here have no shame in asking random women to send them money or just abandoning their children and hoping they will sprout like weeds with no input.

If that one of yours wakes up every day in the morning and pushes himself, the least you can do is be sensitive. You are old enough to know the economic situation without even being told. Do not act brand new.