One of the defining themes of modern culture is independence. People take pride in the fact that they are self-sufficient. However, it has its drawbacks. One of which is that: it can inhibit people’s ability to ask for help.
I am fiercely independent. Amongst other things, this means that I hate to be perceived as a bother. Also, I preferred to give help than to receive it. So that, for years, whenever I could, I quickly offered help, but I was poor at receiving help. This approach aligned with my independent spirit, and it felt good until it didn’t. I discovered that my independent perspective made it difficult for me to ask for help when necessary and appropriate; I was terrible at asking for help, or did, only when things got out of hand. I had to learn to receive help.
Life is based on the concept of interdependence – nature is an interconnected ecosystem. Likewise, you can be one with yourself (independence) and be one with others (interdependence). This balance is greater and more effective than being independent only.
The beauty of independence is to know your limits. You’re awesome, but you can’t do everything. There is a limit to which you can function without people’s input.
Since you can’t do it all yourself, it is important to know where your ability stops and when to bring in others to help you.
The concept of interdependence is based on uniqueness. The lion is different from the elephant, but they need each other to play their unique roles in the circle of life. They both have different strengths and weaknesses. Interdependence means that you must ask for help because others have strengths and perspectives that is different from yours and vice versa. You need people, and people need you. Remember that every time you ask for help, you honour people’s uniqueness and strengths; also, they honour yours when they ask you. In essence, the system is void of shame.
Asking for help doesn’t make you less. My fierce independence made me believe that asking for help made me look weak; I discovered that this was wrong thinking. As long as your dignity is intact, asking for help is a sign of strength; it means that you understand how life works. You are not inferior, or a lesser person for seeking another’s strength in your weak moments. Everyone needs help at different stages. Wisdom is to know when you need it and to ask for it.
