On several occasions, I have heard people crying in the bathroom at work while I was minding my own business.
At least twice, I heard someone sniff and stifle a hiccup in a bathroom stall as I washed my hands.
Once, while I was scrolling through Instagram in the bathroom on my mid-morning break, someone came into the next stall, shut the door, and began to bawl.
It was a woman (obviously because what would I be doing in the Men’s Room? Although I would like to know men’s reactions to fellow men crying in the bathroom stall) and she seemed to be having a very rough morning.
I just sat there in that bathroom hearing her try to cry as silently as possible while blowing her nose and I wondered whether I should say something to her, to perhaps let her know that she was not alone.
But then I remembered instances when I sought refuge in the bathroom at work to cry.
I did not want anyone to know that I was having a difficult time so I assumed the lady in the bathroom would appreciate that subtlety.
Later on, she finished her crying session, washed her face in the sink and left after what I assume was a long look at herself in the mirror.
After she left I also emerged from the bathroom and concluded my 10-minute social media break.
I also took a long look at myself in the mirror and then left, wondering what sort of stress would lead someone to have an emotional breakdown in the toilet at their workplace.
For me, it has always been because I am a millennial transitioning into the corporate world and we are infamous for our mental health or lack thereof.
The millennial who put ‘works well under pressure’ or ‘Is a team player’ is the same one who buckles under pressure and goes to cry in the bathroom after a confrontation with a colleague.
But as diverse as workforces are these days, we millennials are not the only ones in the workplace struggling.
I am pretty sure that people have been crying at work before we were old enough to own ID cards.
So why do people cry at work and in the bathroom for that matter?
People have a lot of things going on in their lives.
People are struggling financially, they have strained and troubled relationships, not to mention the unexpected troubles that life occasionally throws at us such as sickness.
Struggling to have a work-life balance may also cause stress to spill over into the workplace when we least expect it.
Melody Wilding, a counsellor, wrote in an article on Forbes that a lot of women she has worked with have cried at work.
“Only, they felt remorseful about it later,” she said.
“Whether they were having a bad day, or they were feeling stressed or frustrated, something finally sent them over the edge,” she added.
Wilding said that biologically speaking, crying is meant to be cathartic. But there’s evidence that women actually feel worse after crying at work while men feel better.
In my many chats with colleagues over dealing with stress and mental health at the workplace, not a single male colleague has admitted to crying at work.
“You cry at work? How? It’s better to cry at home,” they often say.
“So you do cry?” I try to prod.
“Never!”
In the same way a majority of men subscribe to the ‘men don’t cry’ philosophy, women also get branded as weak or sensitive for crying.
Wilding said that women are biologically hardwired to cry more frequently than men.
“Women have six times the amount of prolactin, which is a hormone related to crying than men, so it’s no surprise that women sometimes feel tears come to their eyes during inopportune moments,” she said.
In fact, she said, research shows that 41 per cent of women have cried at work at some point during their careers while only nine per cent of men have.
So what next after having that bathroom crying session? Embrace it.
Wilding said that crying is one of the least disruptive things you can do at work in reaction to an intense situation.
“Unlike toxic or aggressive behaviour such as lashing out, manipulating others, or bullying, crying doesn’t ruin anyone else’s day,” she said.
Perhaps instead of hiding away in a toilet, we could share our experiences to avoid breaking down at work.
Wilding said that showing genuine feelings can draw colleagues closer and sometimes even initiate important discussions around mental health at work that benefit the whole team.
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