I have had 23 years to prepare for this moment but, now it is here, you realise nothing can prepare you at all. The time has come to refer to myself as a ‘former footballer’; this incredible journey I have been on since I was 16 is over. My ambition was to play until I was 40, so it is scary saying the word ‘retirement’.
It has left me emotional and it feels weird not to be preparing for a new campaign but circumstances over the last couple of seasons have made me realise that this is the right thing to do. To go from being a regular starter to someone whose role is limited to 10 or 15 minutes off the bench has been hard to accept. I will be 39 in January but I am physically fit and could have carried on. What I didn’t want to be was someone who was thrown on to have balls smashed up to them.
So this announcement feels a bit surreal. We have just welcomed our fourth child, Jack, into the family and the wonderful chaos that comes with a new baby means it hasn’t really hit me that I haven’t gone back for pre-season training. Life is hectic in a brilliant way.
But I know there is going to be a point when it really hits me.
Football has opened up avenues that I never thought were possible when I started scoring goals in the Hayes and District league as an Under 10. Football, simply, made my dreams come true. I think back to when I was 17. I was a trainee at Tottenham then but there were 10 forwards in front of me, blocking my route to the first team.
They loaned me out to Dulwich Hamlet then I went to IFK Hassleholm in Sweden. Let’s be honest – you would not have taken odds on me making it then. If you had told me at that point I would go on to play for England 42 times and score 22 goals, play for Liverpool in a Champions League and FA Cup final and score the goal that put Tottenham back in the European Cup for the first time in four decades, I would have had you locked up.
That, though, is what happened and I remember a conversation with my Dad when I was on international duty that put everything into context. We were talking about the England No 9 shirt and how every kid in the country who kicks a ball around hopes they will wear it one day.
As it happened, I wore the No 9 jersey later that afternoon. I have been blessed and I’d like to think people recognise how much I have enjoyed my career; wherever I have been, I’ve always had a great affinity with supporters. I think it was obvious each time I scored for their club I was so happy.
Those clubs — from QPR to Norwich, Aston Villa, Southampton, Tottenham, Liverpool, Stoke and Burnley — need not think they have seen the last of me. I am going to have to find some way of staying in football and I plan to go and watch all of them play next season.
