• There is something about him that I really like, but this is a family newspaper
Image: PIXABAY
My ex just texted me. That devil has been on my mind for a couple of weeks now, and I have been praying to all the gods to keep him away from me.
I don’t know what kind of tricks the gods are playing, but I feel like this is a trap. See, he is your textbook anxious avoidant, and I am your textbook disorganised avoidant. Both of us are very afraid of commitment, and we don’t like to talk about feelings. We let too many things go unsaid.
Since he has been on my mind so much, I have been reflecting on our time together and the mistakes I made with him. Low-key, I did imagine what it would be like to meet him again and tell him about all the ways he hurt me and why I would never ever go back with him. But what’s the point?
I was depressed when I met him, and he was the first person in a long time to make me feel any type of joy. He made me laugh and he made me feel good about myself. I love that he liked to talk about his plants and his weird hobby, which was so unique and fascinating to me.
I like the fact that he wanted to teach me how to shoot guns and that he liked to fix things like old cars. He was a manly man who made things with his hands and my woman brain went nuts watching him work.
The mistake I made was clinging on to this joy and making it my lifeline because the minute things changed, I could see myself drowning and I could see him watching me drown. In his breakup text, he told me it wasn’t his job to make me happy and it took me a couple of months, but I completely agreed with him.
Usually, I would be the one who would go back to him but today, after months of no contact and me feeling so proud of my progress, he texted me. Which is crazy because his lack of reaching out to me was one of our many problems. I won’t lie and say I didn’t get a little excited (do not judge me, Linda) because there is something about him that I really like, but my editor says this is a family newspaper, so I can’t tell you much about it.
I’m not planning on engaging with him because we have played this little game too many times. It’s been two years since we met, and it’s been almost a year since I blocked him on everything and vowed never to let another man dump me on text. Still, I wish I could say all the things I want to his face.
However, I’ll keep my peace and hit that block button again. Maybe if he emails me, I will reply.
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