How I got tired of dating broke men

I always seem to get the wrong type in America. That visa must wait

In Summary

• Love is an economical choice. You must think with your bank account, not your heart

Feet of lovers in bed
Feet of lovers in bed

As I have grown up, I now understand and respect relationship dynamics. I’m ethically non-monogamous. My first real polyamorous relationship was with a couple I met on Reddit. I love Reddit. The lady was a beautiful redhead, and I was very attracted to her. The husband was okay, and I wasn’t very attracted to him, but I was attracted enough to stay. Things were going great, and I was having the time of my life. Then they introduced me to their boyfriend, and I went limp.

Initially, when they talked about him, I pictured a sexy hunk who would come in and make this dynamic even better than it was. When I met him, I felt like he was more of a trophy for the husband, and I was not in any way shape or form attracted to him. He also looked a lot like a guy I had dated, whose wife had left him because she realised she was gay. Dating separately was not an option for them, and I didn’t want to date their boyfriend or the husband anymore. Breaking up with one person is hard, but wait until you have to break up with three.

Currently, I haven’t been in a relationship for about a year. Sometime last year, I had a fling with my ex and then when I got bored of him, I had another fling with this guy who was going through a divorce. Broken men are so yummy, but they can’t be broke. You must pick a struggle, sir. The divorcee made me realise that I cannot date men without money anymore. Broke men annoy me now, and they are not allowed to talk to me.

Anyway, I’m back on the dating apps. I’m on the vanilla apps (if you know, you know), and it’s been the most excruciating experience of my dating life. All I see are white men holding dead fish or dead deer or shooting guns with those camouflage pants and jackets I hate.

It’s either that or those overweight white men who put up extremely pixelated pictures and look like they’ll take you to McDonalds for your first date. Or Trump supporters who make Trump and Amerika their whole personality. Black men on these apps are as rare as an honest politician.

That visa is looking more and more unattainable, folks.

WATCH: The latest videos from the Star