• Kids seem too young to cook up schemes, but it's a case of monkey see, monkey do
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I have run across several mum-spheres on the World Wide Web where some mums find it insulting to say that toddlers are manipulative. You see, when we interpret the word as adults, we cannot help but consider the negativity of the word in the way we know it to be.
To imagine our child cooking up some devious schemes to emotionally manipulate us is unthinkable. However, this does not mean that they do not do something similar.
Which is why, for lack of a better word, I will use the word ‘manipulate’ on a softer note.
As they grow, our children start to understand more about our world and about our emotions as their parents. How we feel and react when we are sad, angry or happy.
For instance, we have seen how children will clown to get us to laugh whenever we seem down or upset. They would also threaten to push our boundaries by testing us little by little. How many of us have asked our kids not to do something and they hesitate, then do it while looking at us squarely in the eye with a smile that says “Aha! I did it, what will you do about it?”
My friend texted a video of her daughter threatening to pee on the floor if she did not get what she wanted. The child is all but two years old. As a recent potty-trained tot, she has understood the concept of going to the toilet and not having accidents in public. Yet, this same kid who was traumatised by having an ‘accident’ at the park was actually using the same thing as a weapon to negotiate something in her favour.
I was astounded. It was way too early for the baby to know to utilise something like that to her advantage. She clearly knew that the action was wrong, yet was ready to proceed just to let the mother know that it was one or the other. How do children know to tug at our emotions so well? How do they learn to elicit reactions from us?
I suppose it is the same way we know them as well. As parents, we often find new ways of ‘manipulating’ or controlling our children when they start refusing to do things. For instance, we promise them ice cream or screen time if they behave. Sooner or later, we find ourselves saying things like, “if you don’t do this, then you do not get that.” In a way, we are the culprits who introduce the concept of manipulation or negotiation in our homes. Before long, we find the tables have turned and we are the ones controlled by our own creations.