- Psychologist Julia Waithera says the break-ups are painful because people invest their emotions in such relationships.
- She opines people going through such experiences should be given time to grieve by going through the pain.
The social nature of human beings allows them to come together to form friendships to be able to survive the terrors of the world.
When these relationships fail, they often occasion pain.
Psychologists describe break-ups as a loss.
Psychologist Julia Waithera says break-ups are painful because people invest their emotions, wealth and time into it.
She opines people going through such experiences should be given time to grieve by going through the pain.
"One has to go through the five stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance," Waithera said in an interview.
She says the stages are well explained by the late Elisabeth Kubler Ross in her book titled On Death and Dying. It was was published in 1969.
Kubler Ross spent time with approximately 500 terminally ill patients during which he compiled his experience into a book.
Top in the list is denial.
When patients are told they have a terminal illness, the book states that they often meet this news with disbelief and outright denial.
Ross terms this as a coping mechanism and a temporary defence that allows the person to deal with the initial news in smaller steps.
"Instead of being overwhelmed with grief, denial allows the person to pace themselves as they begin to accept the news and come to terms with an altered future. It helps to ease anxiety and fear," she notes.
Kenya Psychiatric Association (KPA) President Chitayi Murabula says anger is another natural reaction to loss after a person tries to run away from the truth.
"That’s why we see anger can sometimes lead to violence where people decide to harm others. There is also bargaining where people blame their partners and wish them ill," Murabula explained.
He says the other stage is depression where one is overwhelmed with sadness pushing them to isolate themselves.
"The last stage is acceptance where a person makes peace with loss and moves on. It means that one has reconciled with the truth and they are healing," Murabula added.
How can one deal with break-ups?
During such times, Murabula advises one to always think of their self-care.
This includes activities that drive away negative energy and feelings.
Some people may join a sport, others do gym, and others may begin writing or do a project that may make them happy.
"You must know that sleeping for 7-8 hours is important just to keep your brain healthy. Then avoid substance use like excessive use of alcohol and other drugs,’’ the consultant psychiatrist advised.
He further says this is the time to connect with friends and fight the feeling that you should stay alone.