Love struggle: Tales of women dating in their forties

"Where I am in life right now, I really desire to have a partner, even if we will not have children."

In Summary
  • "Let me just say that at this point, I am ready to date a divorcee, or someone who has lost their wife and looking for a companion," she said while laughing. 
  • "Someone actually told me in my face that he can't marry someone with children and at my age, they want to start the game nil."
Image: Ozone

Anne Nekesa, not her real name, is a Nutritionist in Nairobi and says she has been single for over a decade and has been experiencing 'difficulties' in her dating life.

Her single-life status has somewhat instilled a sense of fright in her such that when she walks into a room, she feels like people are staring. 

"Where I am in life right now, I really desire to have a partner, even if we will not have children, I just need someone with whom we can always have chats, and share our sad and happy moments," she said. 

The 45-year-old says most of the men who have been approaching her are either 30 years of age or below, as most of the men her age are either married or want to marry her as a second wife. 

"Let me just say that at this point, I am ready to date a divorcee, or someone who has lost their wife and looking for a companion," she said while laughing. 

Nekesa narrated that all aspects of her life have been smooth in matters of education, a thriving career and her relationship with family, but her romantic relationship has taken a 'break'

"Most married women are intimated by me, whenever they see me near their husband, they automatically assume I want to take over. I can't be friends with the opposite gender in peace. I have also been called names because I am still single in my forties." 

However, Nekesa noted that she has not given up on finding a partner, as she believes there is someone kept for her. 

Wanjiku Waweru*, 47, is also going through the same 'discrimination' as Nekesa. 

For her, she is a divorcee, who had been married for ten years and was blessed with three children during the union. 

When she separated from her husband, she says society judged her harshly and has not in the longest time met someone who showed relationship interests. 

Waweru noted that most men she has dated could not accept the fact that she has children. 

"With my children and my age, it has been an uphill task getting a serious person who would want to know me and eventually marry me. All they want is the fun part and not settling," she said. 

"Someone actually told me in my face that he can't marry someone with children and at my age, they want to start the game nil."

Teresa Mwakesho, a social worker, who doubles up as a counselor says it is actually easy to date a woman who is in her forties because most of them have settled and know what they want in a nutshell. 

"Women who are in their forties know what is required of them in a relationship, they bring maturing, positivity, and growth in a relationship. Unfortunately men like 'young' women," she said. 

She said the reason men don't most get drawn to women in their forties is because they feel like they will be controlled, and always needy of their time. 

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