Adult friendships are not as easy as in the movies

I used to stay up late to watch Sex and the City when I was about 10 years old.

I was not, under any circumstances, allowed to watch that show, but I was a sneaky child and I would watch it after my parents went to bed.

If you don’t know the show, the title says it all.

A group of girlfriends live life in New York City and we get to see how they navigate work, their love lives, their friendships and especially how they support each other through the ups and downs that come their way.

They really had a glamorous time together.

I always hoped I would have a similar experience (minus the sex because my 10-year-old mind couldn’t even begin to fathom).

Flash-forward 15 years later and I haven’t met my best friends just to hang out with them in months. 

My excuse is always that I’m busy with work.

But to be fair to myself and my friends, everyone is either so busy with work or too tired after work to do anything that requires much effort.

They should have told us that we would struggle to maintain relationships, especially with our friends, because a lot of our time would be taken up by trying to figure out where to milk the next coin.

These bills won’t pay themselves anyway.

My friends and I joke a lot about the nature of adult friendships. A lot of time is spent planning for get-togethers, but life almost always gets in the way.

“A meet-up would be great! I’ll be free in two months’ time, just send a memo to the WhatsApp group five business days prior,” we often say.

But I honestly can’t remember the last time I sat down with them for a chat about life and some laughs.

Thank God for technology because I would barely know what’s going on in their lives without it.

Especially now when almost everyone is going through hard times, I find that checking up on each other is the best way to show your friends you love them despite the distance.

I saw a meme the other day that said, Adult friendship is really just shooting off texts like: ‘Hello, I’m not dead yet. Can I arrange to see you in four to six weeks?’

That really struck me because a classmate of mine from uni died just the other day, and someone in the class WhatsApp group recalled that he had been the last person to speak in the group chat some months ago.

We weren’t that close but I would have liked to know how he was doing and what he had going on during all those months.

Was he happy? Was he living his best life?

Unfortunately, we don’t check up on each other more intently other than the occasional ‘Hey, how are you?’ And once they say they’re fine, we just comment, ‘That’s good to know. Don’t be a stranger.’

Then we stay quiet for another two months until we need a favour or we’re in the mood for a road trip with old friends.