Dear Frustrated,
Goodman yourself! Very few people can accept they were tools with no excuse. I commend you.
Now, my friend, you must now face the consequences of your choices. I am sure you have learnt by now that saying sorry changes very little. You wife (I am sure) is not a mythical being that erases all memories of your transgressions. When someone loves you, you can only hurt them so much before the feeling stops being love.
Appreciate that she got where she is now overtime because of your actions. You are now creating a new experience by being better, it will take time. It is uncomfortable. It was uncomfortable for her when you went through you cock-ups. You must now love her through her process to come to terms with the new you. You will have peace then.
JayZ said, “The hardest thing is seeing pain on someone’s face that you caused” I know you are in a difficult place now, but you are on the right track. You are still trying.
Please consider non-faith based counselling together and as individuals.
All the best.