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Dear Felly: How do I tell my friend her hubby is cheating?

Sadly men have taken on roles of abusers, slackers etc but still expect respect.

In Summary

• I found out that my friend’s husband is cheating on her. How do I tell her?

• How do you tell her? I would say, do not!

Dear Felly,

I found out that my friend’s husband is cheating on her. How do I tell her?

 Anne.


Hi Anne.

How do you tell her? I would say, do not!

This is my reasoning. People know. They always do. I have a relative who says, where two adults have shared a blanket, he would not get involved.

You may tell her, she will approach her husband, who of course knows her very well. If he is not ready to get caught, he will know how to manipulate her and the situation and guess who will be blamed for trying to break them up? You.

You will be the topic during makeup sex and if really the man is cheating, that will be his opportunity to discredit you completely. You will lose a friend.

Scenario two. You tell her and she gets embarrassed. She soon starts getting cold and distant. You lose a friend.

The only thing you will achieve by thinking you are helping is you losing your friend. It is even worse if you are not married. I am sorry to say it is not better if you are married either because you will come off as one who thinks her marriage is working. Really, it is messy.

I know it sounds selfish. Trust me, it is not. As I said, she probably knows. Let her come to terms with it. She will need a friend when she is ready to confront her demons. Until then, mind your own business.

It is also easy to misread situations. I do not know why you decided your friend’s husband is cheating on her. I am also not saying you do not know what you saw.

I am just saying sometimes people are friendly with their cousins or workmates. There are a lot of grey areas, you just do not want to be in a situation where you confront an innocent person. Err on the side of caution.