Dear Felly: Why are Luo man - Kikuyu woman couples more common?

Dear Felly,

I hope you are well.

I wanted to ask about the issue of cross-cultural marriages in Kenya, how come Luo (man) and Kikuyu (woman) relationships are more frequent than Kikuyu (man) and Luo (woman)?

Are there any advantages and barriers to one over the other?

Thanks in advance.

Ronac.

Dear Ronac,

Thanks for writing in.

While I have no data to support or refute your claims, I will say I know people in both scenarios.

That said, marriage is marriage with as much advantage or barriers as the people involved present.

I appreciate though that cultural (tribal) background can be a challenge. Ultimately, it is up to those involved whether it happens and most importantly if it works.

Your question also reminds me of the negative talk around such marriages that have been brought up especially on social media. Getting married, I want to believe, is a personal decision.

I want to say tribe is not always an issue but that would be naive. Nevertheless, people marry outside their tribes all the time.

The trend has been that if one of my brothers marries one of our sisters from Central, then there is a huge useless debate on what is wrong with ladies from the lake.

The arguments range from how ‘hard-headed’ they are to how dark their skin is. All senseless really.

A section of men drive this mostly derogatory narrative about my sisters based on the relationships they have had with their female relatives I believe, and try to make it a reflection of all the women in their tribe.

If one thought their mother, sister or aunt was ugly because of her dark skin, or that their mother was a thief and killed men, or could not cook or was rude, because really those are the first women we interact with, they should not lump all women in a bandwagon and make it the reason anyone does or does not do something.

Especially something as important as getting married. These talks are harmful, I keep saying, just make your decision without deciding it is driven by a characteristic (real or imagined) of a woman.

We are tired of this ‘Eve ate the apple first and ruined men’s lives’ so blame a woman for something. It is time for everyone to take up responsibility for their decisions, marriages. Especially men.

In closing, let me say this, EVERYONE should make their own decisions about who they marry and it should remain that, a personal decision and not a talking point or a narrative to disparage anyone.