How ‘soul ties’ bind millenials to their exes

Depending on one's experience, they may be happy bonds or inner demons

In Summary

• Soul ties occur when you fall in love with someone and they preoccupy your mind, heart and will

• The running theme from victims, a psychologist and a pastor is that sex before marriage is the main cause

Soul Ties Image
Soul Ties Image
Image: Courtesy

Millennials with multiple sexual partners could be on the verge of emotional and mental breakdown thanks to a lingering attachment to their exes.

This phenomenon, known as a "soul tie", is defined as, “A spiritual connection between two people who have been physically intimate with each other or who have had an intense emotional or spiritual association or relationship.”

Soul ties are a 'demon' many people have gone through. Some would choose to ignore it and turn to sex addicts just to try and kill the tie, while others would seek medical or spiritual help to help break it. Others avoid any form of sexual intimacy with anyone, even a husband or wife.


Speaking to the Star, psychology specialist Nelson Saitu explained the link between this sensation and the soul.

"The soul is a collection of the mind, heart and will. So when you fall in love with someone or something and you can't stop thinking about them (mind), and you can't stop feeling them (heart), and you can't stop your will from thinking and feeling them, even when they are gone, then you are soul-tied to that person."

When it comes to the religious side, a soul tie can either be godly or ungodly. It is goldy when you sexually engage with your married partner and vice versa, and ungodly if you're not married. This then becomes a sin.

Pastor David Wachira referenced Genesis 2:24-25, which implies that souls are tied through sex.

“Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

So if you have been having that feeling, now you know what it is called. A 'Soul Tie'. Well, to some who have really suffered through it, they call it a 'Sex Demon'.


Jane* (not her real name) has a story that is one of the few extremes. Her soul tie with her man was so deep, it lasted two years after their break-up. Two years of constantly fighting something she did not know. Up until she opened up to her mother and pastor.

"I had a soul tie with my ex. I just found out about it like a few months ago. Mark you, we broke up in 2017. It's even freaky to talk about it. I never do. So I decided I am no longer having sex until I get married," she said.


Soul ties are as common as the flu, but women suffer the most. It is just that men choose not to talk about it.

Dennis* opened up about his two experiences with soul ties.

"The first was with the mother of my child. A relationship which, in my mind, started the first day she walked into that double mathematics class. We had a child. Things were said, things were done that can never be unsaid," he said.

"She graced my bed after moving out. She was the one who broke my virginity. Actually, we broke each other's virginity."

It took him two years to deal with that and sync with someone else.

"Then I met my recent ex. It was all rosy until I did her wrong, something I do not like talking about. In fact, this haunts me every day. I love her up to date, though I say I have moved on," he said.

Most stories start on the basis of a love story, a perfectly painted love story, one that makes you forget the world and its problems and focus on this man or woman, to bed with him or her with the promise of a future.

Until this story and its happily ever after is cut short, the image is distorted but the image of your loved one never leaves your mind, your heart and in this case, your soul.

The running theme from victims, the psychologist and the pastor is that sex before marriage is the main cause. It gets worse in the millennial age, where one has multiple sexual partners.

This makes one tied to numerous souls, which Saitu said can cause an emotional and mental breakdown.

"I remember one instance when I couldn't remember what was happening, but I felt as if my soul was being ripped to shreds," he said.

Jane said the truth is it's a powerful tie, but the good news is the ties are breakable for her. It took the help of her pastor. For Dennis, he talked it through with a friend who is a psychiatrist.

To break it psychologically, Nelson said, "Systematically train your brain to stop thinking about them, to stop feeling them, and train your will to be strong enough to stop the feeling and the thought."

Pastor David said, "You can avoid soul ties only when you avoid premarital sex."

So in case you have a soul tie, either can work; it all depends on what you believe in.

Both Jane and Dennis confess they have moved on, but Dennis said if his immediate ex-girlfriend comes back, he would "jump on that bus like it never left".

"I've moved on but I'm not sure how faithful I would be in a relationship with someone else if she ever came back and asked me, 'You up?'"

Soul ties are inevitable because the truth is we all fall in love and our souls will be tied to someone or something. We can't help it. The question is how we cope with it.