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SAMANTHA'S CHRONICLES

Crazy about pee

The only way watersport lovers get off

In Summary

-Samantha finds herself at the mercy of her lover's urine fetish

Couple argues
Couple argues
Image: COURTESY

The night Nick came to deliver my Christmas present comes to mind. There was no hint of this crazy stuff that evening. He was a great lover then, so there is light at the end of this tunnel.

“You’re dying to have a shower and brush your teeth,” he complains.

I am. Of course I am, you just urinated on me, you sick pervert.

“It can wait,” I say instead, moving towards him. He holds his hand up, stopping me in my tracks.

“I need you to be into the stuff I’m into,” he says. “That’s the only way I’ll get off.”

I weigh my options quickly. Can I live with it? I was faking it pretty well and up to the point I could not swallow the stuff, he believed I was enjoying myself.

Would I be able to actually do it? Drink it? It’s not like it will kill me. It might even be good for me. I remember reading a piece from The Daily Mail that said drinking urine improves your complexion, helps you lose weight and keeps you looking young.

Apparently, rubbing it on your skin is a centuries-old practice believed to reverse the aging process. The article I read quoted a meteorologist from Ohio who said drinking urine helped him lose 11kg. He said urine is just a highly filtered derivative of your blood and your blood is your life force, so it makes sense.

Another lady spoke of her digestion improving after urine therapy. But regardless of the testimonials (and there are many online), there is no medical evidence to back up any of these claims. Why would you reintroduce waste products into your body? If it was good for you, why would this complex being that is a human body, get rid of it?

Besides, when stored for long periods of time, urea (a nitrogen based compound found in urine) decays into ammonia. In water, ammonia acts as a caustic base. It’s high pH breaks down organic material, making the urine the perfect substance to use in softening and tanning animal hides. Who in their right minds would drink something that can do that? What effect would it have on your insides?

Of course, he’ll argue that his pee, however, hasn’t been stored. It’s straight from the source into my mouth. It won’t kill me. But am I willing to go through that just to get him to screw me?

Nick should have been born centuries ago. Pee was the craze back then. The ammonia in urine can act as an abrasive to get tough stains out of clothes, so in ancient Rome, vessels for collecting urine were commonplace in public places. Once someone relieved themselves in them, the contents were taken to a laundry and poured over dirty clothes. Someone would stomp on the clothes in a tub filled with urine.

And not just in Rome! Urine was so important to the textile industry of 16th century England that huge quantities of it were regularly shipped across the country. It was such a commonly traded commodity that a tax was levied on it.

Urine was not just a cleansing dye for clothes, it was also used to clean and whiten teeth. The ammonia lifts stains away easily. So you see, the people on the Internet saying it’s good for them may not be bat shit crazy, after all.

“I’ll do it,” I say to Nick. “I’ll drink every last drop.”

He smiles. I approach him and drop to my knees. I take him into my mouth and I feel him growing hard. The thought of me succumbing is enough to arouse him for now. Unless he drinks a litre of water, he’s not going to need to pee anytime soon.