Valentine, congratulations. I read that you are pregnant and very excited about it. I am also pregnant and wondering if it is right to have sex with another man. I broke up with my baby daddy after I found out he is married.
Well Nyokabi, let me start by saying thank you very much and congratulations to you too.
Now on to your question… pole sana on the breakup of your relationship. It must be very tough to navigate this time in your life. Excitement over your child on the one hand and hurt, disappointment and possibly anger over being lied to by your child’s father on the other.
I do not know if ‘right’ is the correct word to use. You are after all single and your body is still very much your own, even in as much as you are housing your child. Some people would disagree with what I am about to say but I really think you can have sex with whomever you want. Safe sex is of course more important now than at other times because there is another life hanging in the balance, but sure, get your groove on.
After finding out that you have been lied to and taken for a ride, a fun fling with a new guy might be exactly what you need to move on. I would caution though that you be careful with your heart as your hormones will manipulate your emotions and have you seeing husband/daddy material where none might exist. You are also on the rebound which coupled with pregnancy hormones will not make for a very sound decision-making mind. In a few months when your hormones have settled, your heart has mended and you are thinking clearly, you can think long term, but for now, just enjoy the new guy and remember condoms, condoms, condoms.
I read some research the other day that highlighted that our children are having sex from around the age of 10. They are not using protection and the thing they fear the most is not STIs but rather pregnancy.
This broke my heart because it reiterated that little girls are taking part in high risk behaviour with no protection and they bear the weightiest consequences of this behaviour. Mothers, fathers, aunties, friends and whoever else is reading this, if there is a little girl in your life, please teach her to say no. We tell girls to say no, but we do not teach them how. You might feel silly doing it but please role play and make sure that that child walks away knowing how to say no.
In my interactions with pre-teen and teenage girls, what strikes me most is how unaware they are of their power and authority over their bodies and their lives. Girls who say no are called proud and other harsh words that cost them socially but the truth is, our daughters do not have to be polite and well-mannered to all people. Sometimes politeness is very expensive.