COOKING WITH KARZ: Steak, creamy mashed potatoes

This plate doesn’t ask for permission, darling. It takes you, it grabs your tongue, pins you to the table and whispers, “Don’t stop.” Every bite is a slow grind, a deep moan, a full-body shiver you don’t even try to hide. Because here, we don’t pretend food is innocent. Here, food is the villain of your self-control.

Steak, mash and veggies is a filthy threesome on your table. The steak is hot, juicy and pulsing, the mash is creamy, soft and eager, the veggies are wet, buttery and dripping. Together, they leave you sticky, moaning and undone.

But let’s slow down. Let’s admire each participant in this deliciously messy affair…

 Steak: The big, thick, throbbing star

You slap that steak down on the counter, thick, marbled, begging to be touched. You oil it up, rub it hard with salt and pepper until your hands are greasy and shaking. The pan has to be smoking hot, like a bed that’s already on fire. You throw it in and it screams, juices squirting, sizzling, hissing like it’s begging for mercy. You press it down, flip it slow, watch that crust form, dark and dirty, juices running down your wrist. Inside, it’s still pink, still wet, trembling like it can’t wait to burst in your mouth.

This steak knows it’s the main event. It knows you’re waiting to bite into it. And it loves the attention. Every sear mark is a love bite. Every droplet of juice is a promise.

Mashed potatoes: The creamy, dirty pillow

Boil those potatoes until they’re soft, trembling, ready to give in. You smash them rough, drown them in butter, cream, salt, pepper, until they’re silky, messy, clinging to the spoon like they don’t want to let go.

Scoop some up, let it slide back down, thick and heavy, dripping slow. It’s soft, warm, sticky, and when it hits your tongue, it spreads everywhere, hot and dirty.

These potatoes don’t just support the steak, they submit. They melt under pressure. They smother your taste buds like they want to leave a mark. 

Veggies: The wet little tease

Carrots, peas, green beans, all cut down small, innocent-looking, but then you drown them in butter until they’re slick, shiny, dripping. You let them sizzle in the pan, coated and begging. You bite down and the juices burst in your mouth, hot and wet, sliding down your throat while butter drips at the corner of your lips.

Tiny, but bold. They like to watch. They want to be seen glistening on your fork before they burst.

Tips

• Steak likes it rough, don’t be shy, sear it hard, spank it with heat until it crusts up but stays pink and wet inside
• Mash needs butter, the dirtier the better, drown it until it’s dripping and moaning under the spoon
• Veggies are teases, keep them shiny and wet with butter, never let them go dry, dry veggies kill the mood 

Warning

This isn’t dinner, it’s a three-way. Once they watch you cutting into that steak, juices squirting, mash clinging to your lips, butter dripping from your chin, they won’t care about plates anymore, they’ll care about wanting something more...

So breathe. Pace yourself. Or don’t, who said you have to behave at the table? 

Ingredients

• 2 thick steaks (ribeye or sirloin)

• 4 large potatoes

• 4 tbsp butter

• 100 ml cream

• 1 cup mixed veggies (carrots, peas, beans)

• 2 tbsp oil

• Salt and pepper 

Method

1. Rub steak with oil, salt and pepper, get your hands greasy and messy, slap it down on hot pan until it screams, flip slow, keep it pink and dirty inside

2. Boil potatoes until soft, mash with butter and cream, season until it’s silky, sticky, dripping off the spoon

3. Fry veggies in butter until shiny and wet, season, keep them glistening

4. Plate it up: Steak bleeding juices, mash creamy and clinging, veggies slick and dripping