JIJI NDOGO: A clash of allegiances

Like many small villages, Jiji Ndogo is not immune to the absurd. As we speak, we are still divided over the meaning of the birth of a cow with an extra leg. Nyaguthii, the owner of the village-dividing cow, thinks it means more blessings on the way.

“Ni ishara kusema kuna ng’ombe ingine inakuja,” she told the village with the confidence of someone who knew what she was talking about.

Not everyone was as convinced.

“Ishara ya nini?” her neighbour Nyagaka asked. “Kwani unapewa ng’ombe piece moja baada ya nyingine? What’s next, another calf with two heads?”

Our young chief has now been tasked with contacting our resident witch, who lives in a forest near our village, to shed light on the matter.

As all this is happening, the World Cup has begun in earnest here as it has elsewhere. Kula Ulipe hotel and Shimo la Pewa bar, the only places with big TVs here, are always full of avid fans cheering their teams.

But all is not as well as it should be. During the Premier League season, we’ve had to separate fighting fans, especially Man United and Arsenal followers. It’s a long-running feud, that one. This time, we’re called to Kula Ulipe because apparently, some people have completely lost touch with their African roots.

“What’s your problem this time?” I ask once I have the gangs on their respective sides.

“Brazil versus Morocco,” says Fatma Nono, the proprietor of the hotel. “Can you believe these idiots?”

“What about it?” I ask one of the fans whose hands are still folded into fists.

“Hizi gunia,” says the young man, “zina support Brazil. Tangu lini? Morocco ndo African country. Ama hakusoma geography?”

“So what?” replies a Brazil supporter. “Morocco won’t win the World Cup. Why support a team you know very well won’t even get to quarter finals?”

“What about Kenya?”

Team Brazil bursts out laughing. “Kenya is not in the World Cup, you idiot. What games are you watching?”

“I mean, if Kenya is playing against Cameroon or Morocco, you know damn well it will not win. Do you support the other team because you shouldn’t root for a losing team?”

“That’s different. I’m Kenyan, not Morocco-ian.”

Laughter all around. Another young man chimes in, “It’s Morocconian. You don’t even know what to call the people you support.”

“He’s just mad juu bet ilichomeka,” says another man. “He’d put down Brazil to win and over two.”

I know little about gambling, so I let that slide. “Can you guys just enjoy without fighting? We have more important police business to attend to without coming here to settle your differences.”

This elicits even more laughter than before.

“What’s funny?” my partner Sgt Sophia asks, serious as usual. “Police business is funny to you?”

“What police business?” says a Morocco supporter with a chuckle. “Chasing cows that have broken out of their pens?”

“And talking of cows,” the Brazil supporter says with a pensive look on his face. “No wonder Brazil lost. It’s the curse of that Nyaguthii’s beast.”

Sgt Sophia smiles cynically. “Are you seriously saying that a team from a country thousands of miles away from here, playing a game in a country even much farther away, is losing because a cow in Jiji Ndogo was born with five legs?”

Morocco supporter’s eyes grow wide and his jaw drops to his chest. “Oh my God! He’s right, you know.”

“He is?” I ask.

“That calf means something. Because it’s unusual, it means unusual things are going to happen. And that can only mean that an African country will win the World Cup this year. Go Morocco!”

Jiji Ndogo has spoken. If miracles happen at this year’s game, thank us.