Finding the cure to a hangover

Bachelor deals with the ‘second tier of hell’ after waking up in a ditch

In Summary

• A hot shower in total darkness, a mug of bone broth and an edible is among ideas

Illustration of a drunk man
Illustration of a drunk man


After starting off the new year by waking up in the gutter – literally – I must deal with the second tier of hell that comes with heavy drinking. Hangover.

As a medical doctor, I know the exact mechanisms contributing to a hangover aren’t fully understood, but the collection of symptoms, like headaches, dehydration and fatigue, depend on what and how much you drank. As an African man who sometimes drinks more than I should, I know a hangover is the result of allowing the devil and his demons to host a party in your head.

While in my office I’d advise someone suffering a hangover to rehydrate, replace his electrolytes, rest, eat healthy foods and, most of all, avoid alcohol, as a red-blooded African male, I remember my primary school teacher saying, “Mganga hajigangi.” So I turn to Mr Know-it-all, Dr Google, for a cure to my ills. Most of the advice I get is to drink lots of water and a banana or a cup of tea with milk before bed. A moot point, since, as we already know, I didn’t even know when I blacked out.

That said, we must deal with the mischievous imps already playing their torturous drums in my head. One person suggests that (if I have enough courage) I should do a 5km run. Now, that advice would be good for Eliud Kipchoge. For someone who runs out of breath whenever I walk to the shop, that just won’t cut it. Next option is drinking sweet pickle juice. I think the next worse thing to a hangover is drinking sweet pickle juice. So, that too is out.

The most viable option (to my hangover brain, at least) is a hot shower in total darkness, a mug of bone broth and an edible. I have no clue why the shower must be in total darkness, but I do it anyway, get myself a good mug of bone soup from my man at Chop of the Mornin’ butchery. If you don’t know how stupid a hangover can make a learned person be, I forgot that an edible is ganja in the form of a cookie.

Now I’m standing on top of my bed because the floor is lava and there are snakes and sharks swimming in it. I wish I only had a hangover instead.

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