The baffling boda boda phenomenon

Diary,

For years now, I have ranted against the different foibles of modern marital unions, small peeves that have made me vow to be a bachelor for life.

You know, things like, trying to live up to someone else’s expectations, worrying about their potential to cheat or sharing the bathroom. The last one, especially. But never did I imagine myself fearing marriage because of a boda boda rider.

Yes, you read that right. It used to be buff gym instructors, matatu guys and smooth shamba boys that you had to worry about when you left home for work. But lately, it’s these brash, cocky and arrogant young men on two-wheelers that are a threat to your holy matrimony.

“There’s just something about that hot machine vibrating between your legs,” a colleague told me the other day. “And the way the boda guy keeps talking to you as the wind rushes by. You get carried away and keep saying “Yes” to whatever he says. So much so, that you might have accepted a marriage proposal by the end of your ride.”

C’mon, it must be more than the motorcycle. Most of these guys ride 150-175 cc bikes that cost a mere hundred grand, not a 180 horsepower Suzuki GSX1300R Hayabusa.

Now, if my woman took off with a guy on the latter motorbike, one that pulls with the power of that many horses, I would understand. I mean, it’s a beautiful machine, but mostly because, even in my G-wagen, I cannot catch up with such a fast contraption.

So, if not the machine, what is it that drives women to boda boda riders in droves? I’ll tell you what it is. I’ve heard it said that a man will bed any woman he can, while a woman will only bed a man she likes.

Hahaha! Such baloney! Women are only a sexier version of men. They want the same things we want, the same thrills. Just like us, they thrive on variety and short-lived thrills, both of which a boda ride offers.

They don’t look at a boda guy and think, “I want to have this man’s babies.” No. They think… How would I know what a woman thinks? All I know is that I’m tempted to quit being a doctor and get myself a Kawasaki.