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DIARY OF A PERPETUAL BACHELOR

The girl who saw into the future

She had it all figured out. Dr Tom played along for the sex

In Summary

• Should you trust your instincts when red flags arise or just test the waters?

Image: PIXABAY

Diary,

Friends are not the most reliable source of information. That’s a fact as old as time. Friends will lead you astray for their own amusement. But sometimes, friends will come to your rescue whether you like it or not.

When a new intern at the hospital declared interest in a date, I was surprised to learn that some of my friends knew way more about her than I did. However, the amount of history someone has accumulated shouldn’t be employed as a weapon against them. Who cares if Kelsa has dated everyone and their grandfather, right?

Still, a little self-preservation doesn’t hurt, so on our date, I deliberately wore my scrubs. That way, if things went south, I’d fake an emergency and vamoose.

Let’s call Plan A a total failure.

“I think you are super sexy in scrubs,” she said. “How did you know I looove you like this?”

And there was the first red flag. When someone starts tossing the “L” word willy-nilly, you know there’s trouble ahead.

“I’m still on call,” I said. “I could leave any minute.”

“We have enough time.” She blew up bubble gum. It busted around her lips and she sucked it in. She took out a notebook. “Okay, let’s start with kids. We’re going to have six at a minimum. Three girls, three boys. The girls will be Lola, Lula and Laila. Cute, huh?”

“And the boys?” I said, only because if you go to Rome (Mathari) do as Romans (crazy people) do. “What will their names be?”

“Easy. Cricket, Banjo and Egypt.”

“Why Egypt?”

“Democraticrepublicofthecongo was too long. By the way, what’s your limit on dates before we get married?”

“Never thought of it. What’s yours?”

“One.” She giggled. “I already have my wedding dress, shoes and wig in the wardrobe. The caterers and venue are on standby and I know this tailor who makes the best purple suits. You’re gonna look fabulicious.”

And that’s how our date ended — is what I should be writing right now. But I’m not, because I intend to be different.

Yeah, right! Did I mention Kelsa was drop-dead gorgeous?

That’s why I said, “Can we talk about it on our second date?”

Our night together was fire (my instincts were right). Then, come morning (when I realised my instincts had blown it), Kelsa said, “You do know having sex counts as an official engagement, right?”