• Sgt Makini will stop at nothing to prevent Sgt Sophia from dating her new man
A few days ago, I made the mistake of asking my colleague Sgt Sophia M Kali out on a date. We’ve been working together for a month and I reckoned that was a good enough interval before asking her out.
“Sgt Makini,” she said, incredulously. “We’re workmates. You know the force has very strict rules against workplace dating.”
“Not that I know of.”
“Well, I do. Two people who carry guns shouldn’t be emotionally entangled. It’s just logical.”
I failed to share her rationale.
“Besides,” she went on, “I have a date this Saturday.”
“With who?”
“With ‘whom’, and it’s none of your business.”
Why did it hurt so much?
“Well,” I tried, “I mean, having been here longer than you have, I know the denizens better. The ‘whom’ could be a psycho, for all you know.”
She smiled knowingly, patted my cheek.
“Thanks for caring, but Wa Munene is a safe bet.”
My world exploded.
“Wa Munene? The Chief’s son?”
“Yes! You know him? Of course, you do.”
“But he’s Millicent’s brother!”
“Who’s Millicent?”
She was my on-again-off-again girlfriend who left me for her ex. I guess the wounds are still raw.
“So, where is Wa Munene taking you?”
“That, Sgt Makini, is for me to know and for you to never find out.”
Today is Saturday and although I was supposed to be off-duty, I decided to come in so I don’t dwell on Sophia’s date. I had no idea I’d be overdoing it.
“You’re arresting me for wearing a used mask?” asks the suspect I’m hauling to the cell.
“An old, useless mask. Get in there!”
“How much cash bail for walking on the wrong side of the street?” asks another suspect, already in the cell.
“It’s too crumped in here,” complains another.
The cell is supposed to hold five. I’ve stuffed 15 in there. Maybe more. I lost count.
“Shut up before I add more charges,” I howl and storm out.
I’d thought arresting people would sate me, but it hasn’t. I must do more. I take up guard outside the chief’s house, hoping Millicent will step out without a mask. Nothing would satisfy me more than cramming her into the jail cell. She never comes out.
Then I get a gem of an idea.
“For me never to find out, eh, Sophia?” I mumble to myself.
There is only one eatery in Jiji Ndogo: Kula Ulipe. I head there. Sophia and Wa Munene sit at a corner table, laughing over a plate of I-don’t-care. I head straight to the kitchen.
“Hello, Officer Makini,” says Fatma Nono, the proprietor. “What will you…”
“Health Licence, Ms Nono!”
“Pardon?”
“You heard me! Show me a valid licence or I’m closing up this joint right this minute.”
She pulls me aside.
“Makini, you’ve been my patron for…”
I brush her off.
“Everyone out!” I shout. “This establishment is closed for lack of proper documentation. C’mon, OUT!”
Patrons scramble out, some stuffing food down their pockets. Wa Munene abandons his date, joins the fray at the exit.
“You’re lucky I have no extra room in the cell. I’d arrest you all for aiding illegal activities.”
Sophia approaches.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“My job. I should arrest you and your date, too, you know.”
“I can’t believe you’re doing this.” She frowns. “Is it because of my date?”
“Nonsense. The world doesn’t revolve around you, Sophia. I’m Just enforcing the letter of the law.”
“With your weapon drawn?”
I snap back to reality, and only then do I realise I’ve been wielding my service pistol along.