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SAMANTHA'S CHRONICLES

Sorry state of my booty call

Some people never know when to give up

In Summary

• Who runs out of the middle of having sex to get a Covid test done?

Booty call time
Booty call time
Image: COURTESY

My phone rings and I stop typing. It’s Tim.

“Hello,” I say, answering quickly. I don’t want to lose my train of thought. My Covid-19-cum-Black Lives Matter-cum-Down with the Colonialists cover story is going very well.

I’d like to get it finished as soon as possible before I forget how to tie in all the threads. When you’re on a roll, you’re on a roll.

“I wanted to apologise,” he says.

 

“I’m in the middle of something, can we talk later?” I ask.

“I just wanted you to know that I have it,” Tim says. “I got it just now.”

“Got what?” I ask getting irritated.

“A Covid-19 free certificate,” he announces proudly. “If you get one too, we can try again.”

I don’t respond. Instead I hang up and continue typing.  My phone rings again.

“Hello?” I snap.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

 

“You’ve already said that, Tim,” I say. I pause, wondering who runs out of the middle of having sex to get a Covid test done.

“What do you care more about? Staying Covid-free or wealth creation?” I ask suddenly.

“A healthy society is essential for creating wealth,” he says. “If someone was afflicted with a disease we did not understand in traditional times, they would be sent away to die alone.”

“Is that true?” I ask, sounding doubtful. “Diseases or misfortunes were generally thought to be brought about by evil spirits or pissed-off ancestors who needed to be appeased in some way.”

Whatever happened to an individual was viewed as something that had happened to the whole tribe, and whatever happened to the tribe was viewed as happening to the individual. All for one and one for all. African traditional healing was always holistic, dealing with the soul, the spirit and the body.

The physical cause of the disease where herbs would be administered was addressed, but so was the mystical cause of it. In present day, one often sees people in outdoor bars pouring drinks on the ground for the ancestors before they consume them. Offering them a drink is a means of welcoming them. Just like how, when a visitor comes to your home, you offer them something to drink.

“Can I come back?” Tim asks again.

“Ok,” I agree, wondering where the hell my storyline has gone. I knew I wouldn’t be able to tie the threads if I got distracted. Why did Africans so easily give up their traditions for the white man?

White?

Virtuous, moral, ethical, good, righteous, angelic, saintly, pious, honourable, wholesome, clean, honest, upright, upstanding, exemplary, irreproachable, innocent, decent, worthy, noble, blameless, guiltless, sinless, stainless, spotless, immaculate, impeccable, unsullied, unblemished, unspoiled, unaffected, uncorrupted, untainted, undefiled; squeaky clean.

That’s how the dictionary considers white. And an entire race decided that’s what they are. Even though their appearance is very different. Malcom X called them pinkish. My niece says they are peach. Any issue that Africa has today can be traced back to the Peach man. Our language condones white supremacy just as it condones male infidelity — no word exists to describe a promiscuous man. So how can a person be bad if they are white? If they are peach, though, different connotations come to mind, don’t they?

If Africa is a mess, if Africa is suffering, is the reason vague or indeterminate? No. Africa has always suffered at the hands of peach people who live inside the delusions of white supremacy and construct systems and structures to enact the delusions of white supremacy. You can’t feel bad about robbing a continent whose people you have dehumanised, can you?

“Great. I’m on my way!” Tim says.

Oh, crap. Did I just agree to failed Booty Call Part 2?