Expressing heartfelt commitment to your mate

Many are times we are caught up in the confusion of wondering what love is and end up getting it with the wrong person or even frustrated.

Could it also be the reason as two why there are so many cases of lovers killing each other in Kenya currently as we see every day on the news? Could it be the reason why there so many ageing bachelors and spinsters around our neighbourhood? Or the reason why people say love is blind and overly insecure? Or love should be jealous and unforgiving?

"The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate" is a 1992 book by Gary Chapman. It outlines five ways to express and experience love that Chapman calls "love languages".

Gary Chapman in his books believes people have their own different ways of showing love and receiving love, love is an ambiguous, not just a word, not just an emotion, its a continued pattern of actions of love

According to Chapman, the five ways to express and experience love that Chapman calls "love languages" are receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and physical touch.

Examples are given from his counselling practice, as well as questions to help determine one's own love languages. Chapman's book claims that the list of five love languages is exhaustive. According to his theory, each person has one primary and one secondary love language.

He suggests that to discover another person's love language, one must observe the way they express love to others.

He theorizes that people tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love, and better communication between couples can be accomplished when one can demonstrate caring to the other person in the love language the recipient understands.

An example would be if a husband's love language is acts of service, he may be confused when he does the laundry for his wife and she doesn't perceive that as an act of love, viewing it as simply performing household duties, because the love language she comprehends is verbal affirmation that he loves her.

She may try to use what she values, words of affirmation, to express her love to him, which he would not value as much as she does. If she understands his love language and mows the lawn he perceives it in his love language as an act of expressing her love for him; likewise, if he tells her he loves her, she values that as an act of love.

The Five Love Languages
The Five Love Languages