G-SPOT: Who should replace the one who must go?

Forgive me, but I’m not buying his Damascene transformation from a Kenya Kwanza government enforcer to a born-again crusader for rights and freedoms, no matter how many insults and accusations he flings at his former boss or how many government actors hurl mud in his direction.

In fact, and I say this fully aware that I may have read one too many spy novels, I wouldn’t be the least bit shocked to discover he was a double agent all along.

The idea that Gachagua could be a KK mole embedded in the opposition may sound absurd to some, but not in this country, where we’ve seen stranger political bedfellows and opposition figures seemingly working hand-in-glove with the ruling elite. Stranger things have happened, usually over tea and a generous helping of impunity.

Even if he’s not a mole, and Jesus himself were to descend in a blaze of glory, backed by a chorus of saints, to vouch for his sincerity, I’d still wager that if he were offered a seat at the trough, his snout would be back in it quicker than you could say “State Capture”.

In my book, a President Gachagua would be as nightmarish as a President Matiang’i. A Hobson’s choice, if ever there was one. Either way, we’re doomed to recycled leadership with a shiny new slogan slapped on the front.

How can I place my trust in a former Interior Secretary whose claim to fame is his iron-fisted reign in office? I mean, really, could I honestly vote for someone who says he’s happy to have investigations into the River Yala deaths during his tenure, provided he’s not the only one whose “misdeeds” are scrutinised? What is that, some kind of ‘everyone-was-doing-it’ defence?

If he’s arguing that he was merely continuing a macabre tradition, I’d suggest he find another line of work, preferably one without access to security forces.

Now, onto Kalonzo Musyoka, who tries to appear as though he has come a long way from his early days in national politics, when he was aggressively pursuing success in the Kanu single party system by bringing measures to Parliament to muzzle the media.

Granted, that was more than three decades ago, and people can grow. Still, I can’t shake the feeling that Kanu is imprinted in his political DNA like a stubborn watermark.

Moreover, there’s this unmistakable air about him, one that says he deserves to be President. This was reinforced recently when his team issued a statement on June 25, declaring that he and his new buddies, Gachagua, Matiang’i and others, would “lead other Kenyans in candle lighting and lying (sic) of wrath (sic) flowers.” 

Typos aside, Kalonzo and company seem rather out of touch, like a committee of self-anointed statesmen who believe leadership is their birthright, rather than a responsibility to be earned.

And then there’s Martha Karua. I want to believe in her, I really do. But her willingness to team up with the likes of Gachagua and Matiang’i raises eyebrows. Has no one reminded her that a chain is only as strong as its weakest link, and in this case, those links are decidedly rusted?

To their credit, neither Senator Omtatah nor former Chief Justice Maraga presumed to be leading anyone at the June 25 commemoration.

In a sea of political heavyweights weighed down by ego and entitlement, Omtatah and Maraga come across as comparatively unburdened.

Still, even they don’t get a free pass from me. Their deeply conservative religious beliefs make me wary. Kenya is a secular state, after all, not a pulpit.

So, for now, I shall simply hold out hope that a fresh candidate emerges from the shadows. Someone unexpected. Someone principled. Or, failing that, someone who can at least string a sentence together without sparking national concern.

I live in hope.