A mganga needs it to prepare an anti-ageing potion for my boss, who is deathly afraid of retiring. Also, my partner Sgt Sophia and I think he’s going senile.
On the other hand, it took Sophia — who is also Tembo’s daughter — a day to get a skunk and flush us out of the forest and back to the police post.
Once we settle, I pull Sophia aside and ask, “How did you do it?”
“That’s the most stupid question ever,” she replies, pride like the morning star in her eyes. “Everyone knows women are better than men at everything.”
“Not everything. What about parallel parking?”
She laughs.
“Makini, you can’t even drive a wheelbarrow straight. Okay, okay. I’ll give you one thing. Men are better than women at appreciating an action movie with zero plot.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Yeah? Two words: Steven Seagal.”
I concede, “Okay, hun. You win. So, how did you manage to trap a skunk?”
She points to her temple.
“First of all, I reason better. Also, I was getting tired of your fool’s errand. Do you know cold weather and old people don’t mix? And yet you agreed to take my doddery father into the forest to sleep in a damned tent.”
“No, first of all, don’t let him hear you calling him old. Also, it was your father’s idea to go hunting for the blasted animal. He only requested me to accompany him.”
“And yet, you agreed.”
“By ‘requested’, I mean he called me into the room where he was polishing his service pistol and, to quote his exact words, ‘You heard what the mganga said. You and I are going to the forest to catch a skunk. Or else…’ Then he pointed the gun at me.”
Sophia’s jaw drops.
“He threatened to shoot you?”
“He’s my boss and my father-in-law. What was I supposed to do?”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve persuaded him not to go.”
“Oh, now that I remember, he also did say something like, ‘If you snitch to my daughter, I’ll make sure you spend the rest of your working life unblocking sewers.’”
She frowns.
“After threatening to shoot you, he then threatened to turn you into a plumber?”
A small shiver courses through me.
“Maybe he knows how much I hate tight spaces. Look, you know I can’t say no to your father. I don’t think anyone can. The man has more connections than a spider on a sugar rush. Laugh all you want, but a few days in the forest beat years pushing faeces through a pipe.”
She laughs in my face.
“You are so whipped, dear husband. You need to learn to stand up for yourself. Otherwise, people will use you like a mop.”
I’m thinking of a rejoinder when something else pops into my head.
“Hey, wait a minute. You’re saying all this just so you don’t tell me how you got a skunk. Where is it anyway?” I find the small black and white beast in a makeshift cage near the toilets. “Wow! You really got a skunk. But, is it pregnant? That’s one of the mganga’s requirements.”
“What, like the witch has an ultrasound machine? If I say it’s pregnant, it’s pregnant.”
Just then, the animal brushes against the cage and utters a loud “Meow”.
“Hell, no!” I cry out. “This is a cat! You painted a cat?”
“Shhh! We tape its mouth, no one has to know.”
