SAMANTHA'S CHRONICLES

One good turn...

A friend shares advice, and gets some in return

In Summary

After a disappointing night, Samantha talks things out with Richard, who is in a fix of his own

Couple on the phone
Couple on the phone
Image: COURTESY

“A man is nothing, if not his ego,” Richard says. “But wait! Rewind to the peeing business. What the hell is that about?” he asks.

I recount the night’s events to him and by the time I’m done, he must have tears rolling down his cheeks. He’s laughing so hard!

“Honey, I would never let anyone do that to me,” he says. “You were really invested in getting off.”

“So, he’s really never going to call?” I ask.

“You should not have told him he owes you an orgasm,” Richard says. “There’s too much pressure on him to perform. I doubt he’ll even rise to the occasion.”

Wow. The fragile male ego. I’m not too sure how men walk around without just collapsing to the ground every time someone gives them a scornful look. Is it ever that serious?

I didn’t come. So? Next time, work harder. Ask what I like. Use your hands or tongue, if you climax too quickly. I don’t see why you should run away with your tail between your legs just because someone is truthful about not reaching the Big O. Newsflash. Women fake it a lot, all the time. Are you going to stop having sex with them altogether?

“How are things with you?” I ask Richard, changing the subject.

His life is even more dramatic than mine. He had a short fling with a model and it all ended when the model borrowed money from him.

“He will not pay me back and every day it’s a different story,” Richard says. “Talk about your underhanded slay queen!”

“I thought you were the queen, Richard?” I ask with a laugh.

“Honey, if I’m paying. He’s the queen!” Richard says with the flippancy only a gay guy can pull off so beautifully.

He goes on to tell me about how he even helped the model collect outstanding payments so he could refund his money and, upon collection of the funds, the model still hasn’t paid him.

“Why did you lend him money?” I ask. “I thought you were totally against that kind of thing?”

“Oh, he gave me a sob story and I fell for it. What can I say? I’m a big ol’ softie sometimes,” Richard tells me.

It’s true. Richard is the one guy who will always help you out if he can. He is fiercely loyal and very generous.

But if you cross him, he’s the worst type of enemy to have. Because he doesn’t care what people think. A person like that is dangerous because they will expose you with no care of what it will do to their own reputation.

He is also ruthless. If you push him, he will push back a hundred times and sleep well that night. It’s always best not to cross him.

“I have a good mind to call the head of the modeling agency, who is a serious homophobe, and out him,” Richard says, as though reading my mind.

“Isn’t that way below the belt?” I ask. “How would you like it if someone had dragged you out of the closet?”

“I was never IN the closet, honey!” he says with a laugh. “I’ve been gay and proud all my life!”

“Even as a kid?” I ask.

“When I was a kid, I made the most fabulous outfits for everyone on the block. No one thought I was straight, dear!” Richard scoffs.

“Call his boss, let him know about the debt, don’t mention his orientation,” I say.

Richard agrees. “He’ll probably guess anyway, but alright!”

We blow air kisses over the phone and hang up.