Dear Diary,
It started with alcohol, as I tried to distract my mind. When that no longer served me, I progressed to cigarettes, then weed. I engaged in all manner of distractions as I tried to deny the fact that something was wrong. I’d have major suicidal thoughts every time I was alone, especially in the bathroom.
At some point through the chaos, I went through a spiritual awakening that forced me to truly face myself. I began working on eliminating things that were dragging me down. I am not where I want to be, but I thank God for the progress I have made.
I enjoy daily meditation because it helps balance my mind. I read and implement tips from self-help books and focus on my creative side — making clothes — that keeps me focussed on doing things that keep me happy. I read a lot of Bible verses, too, and watched comedies and animations to have a good laugh. I talked to my mother every day to keep my spirit going, until I found my purpose again and a reason to hang on. I’m taking one day at a time.
- Achie Otigo
Dear Diary,
I felt totally unwanted, unworthy and unloved, and felt like I did not know what I was supposed to do or what I was doing. I just felt stuck.
- Anita Moochi
Dear Diary,
I have gone through bouts of depression while in campus and afterwards, when I ventured into business. Right now, good mental health for me means finding a balance between my light and dark sides to facilitate the healing that needs to happen.
Everyone has both sides due to the experiences we have gone through, from childhood to this point. In accepting that fact, we judge ourselves and others less.
Without judgement, we can collectively discuss our experiences, how we are working on or have worked towards healing, as well as supporting each other.
- Ellein Nasieku
These are pages from the diaries of three women who have battled with depression. Many others are battling mental illnesses and disorders on their own, and this realisation is what made Achie, Ellen and Anita come together to reach out to others on mental illness and other struggles, including body acceptance.
According to WHO, mental disorders are generally characterised by some combination of abnormal thoughts, emotions, behaviour and relationships with others. Examples are schizophrenia, depression, intellectual disabilities and disorders due to drug abuse. Most of these disorders can be successfully treated.
A 2017 report by WHO said Kenya had the fourth-highest number of depressed people in Africa after Nigeria, Ethiopia and the DRC.
Psychologist Leila Mkameli says depression changes the chemicals in one’s brain and affects someone’s moods, thoughts and emotions. “It can make it hard or even impossible for a depressed person to feel happy, remember good times, or see the solutions to his or her problems.
Intense grief also mimics depressive symptoms. It is advisable to go to a professional for proper diagnosis and workable treatment plan.”
Leila says signs of mental illness should not be ignored. “If someone has tried to commit suicide before, they may try it again and again until they succeed. Take him or her to a psychiatrist. Don’t just talk to them or pray for them. There are cases when the attempts are a cry for help. Get them the help they need.”
Achie says self-acceptance helped her stop having suicidal thoughts. “I had a spiritual awakening and realised we are all human. As such, we’ve gone through trauma off all kinds.
Acceptance helps lessen the load as you are not alone. Self-acceptance has helped me look within myself with an open mind, rather than a judgmental, victim mindset. This realisation went a long way in my forgiving myself for all my poor choices as well as forgiving and releasing everyone I held grudges against and unhealthy attachments to.”
Achie says for those skeptical about sharing their struggles with others, talking to a professional (therapist) can be a safer option than friends to begin with.
“However, some people are blessed to have supportive family members, close friends or even spouses they can confide in. If that resonates with you, then you can approach one in a manner that is comfortable for you.
On whether people with mental illnesses should take medicine, Ellein says medication can foster dependency.
“However, people have different situations that may require medical intervention. In that case, so be it, but only with the doctor’s approval,”she says.
“Neo-medical ways can be implemented. I have come across neurotherapy and neuroprunning on YouTube recently that involves deep brain stimulation to help attain mental stability. I am not well-versed on the subject yet, but I believe there are alternatives to self-medication.”
BEARDS AND CANCER
Achie, Anita and Eillen have teamed up with Ian Ndwiga of Beard Gang International under ‘The Icebergs’ brand to raise awareness about mental illness, body acceptance and prostate cancer.
The Icebergs have planned to roll out a programme to raise awareness in the workplace about the importance of good mental health and physical health. The group has partnered with companies to provide advice to employees on maintaining good mental health on a consulting basis.
Ndwiga says, “Many people talk of
‘No Shave November’, but they don’t know the purpose it should serve. BGI started the beards against cancer movement to raise awareness on prostate and other cancers.”
Movember is an annual event involving the growing of moustaches during the month of November to raise awareness of men’s health issues, including prostate cancer, testicular cancer, and men’s suicide.
BGI has taken it a notch further, with members growing beards as the trend grows.
FACTS ON MENTAL HEALTH
Psychologist Leila says the following feelings can lead to suicide or suicidal thoughts:
Feeling trapped or hopeless, and like you need an escape. Feeling like it is too painful, overwhelming or sad to continue living
Focusing on death, dying or violence.
Feeling that friends and family would be better off without you
WHAT TO LOOK OUT FOR
Leila says a person contemplating suicide might:
-Make statements such as “I wish I were dead,” or “I wish I had never been born.”
-Be preoccupied with suicidal ideations and might actually have
a plan of how to commit suicide.
-Withdraw from friends, family and social situations
-Say goodbyes to family and friends, as if they don’t expect to see them again
-Abuse alcohol or drugs or engage in other risky behaviours
-Have personality changes or mood swings
Leila says there is currently no cure for mental disorders. “We only manage the symptoms to allow quality of life. There are times when the patients need to be hospitalised, then once they stabilise, they are released, but should be under observation.”
SIGNS OF MENTAL ILLNESS
In adults:
-Sleep or appetite changes: Dramatic sleep and appetite changes or decline in personal care
-Mood changes: Rapid or dramatic shifts in emotions or depressed feelings, irritability.
-Withdrawal: Sudden social withdrawal and loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed
-Drop in functioning: An unusual drop in functioning at school, work or social activities, such as quitting sports, failing in school or difficulty performing familiar tasks
-Increased sensitivity: Heightened sensitivity to sights, sounds, smells or touch; avoidance of overstimulating situations
-Apathy: Loss of initiative or desire to participate in any activity
-Feeling disconnected: A vague feeling of being disconnected from oneself or one’s surroundings; a sense of unreality
-Illogical thinking: Unusual or exaggerated beliefs about personal powers to understand meanings or influence events; illogical or “magical” thinking typical of childhood in an adult
-Nervousness: Fear or suspiciousness of others or a strong nervous feeling
-Unusual behaviour: Odd, uncharacteristic, peculiar behavior
-Strange thoughts (delusions)
-Seeing or hearing things that aren’t there (hallucinations)
-Growing inability to cope with daily problems and activities
-Suicidal thoughts/ ideations- preoccupied with death.
-Numerous unexplained physical ailments
-Alcohol and Substance abuse
In Older Children and Pre-adolescents:
-Substance use
-Inability to cope with problems and daily activities
-Changes in sleeping and/or eating habits
-Excessive complaints of physical ailments
-Changes in ability to manage responsibilities - at home and/or at school
-Defiance of authority, truancy, theft, and/or vandalism
-Intense fear
-Prolonged negative mood, often accompanied by poor appetite or thoughts of death
-Frequent outbursts of anger
In Younger Children:
-Changes in school performance
-Poor grades despite strong efforts
-Changes in sleeping and/or eating habits
-Excessive worry or anxiety (i.e. refusing to go to bed or school)
-Hyperactivity
-Persistent nightmares
-Persistent disobedience or aggression
-Frequent temper tantrums
Leila says one or two of these symptoms alone cannot predict a mental illness, but may indicate a need for further evaluation.
“If a person is experiencing several at one time and the symptoms are causing serious problems in the ability to study, work or relate to others, he or she should be seen by a mental health professional,” she says.
PLACES TO SEEK HELP
1. Befrienders Kenya - an NGO that focuses on suicide prevention
2. Hospitals including Aga Khan, Nairobi West, KNH, MP Shah