The law of attraction operates on such strange principles that often land us in some strange, strange places. You cannot deny it! Perhaps you have been attracted to a man or a woman – or a face for that matter – and then, fast forward to that time when you found out they have 12 toes or a tail, then you thought…Freak! Some people might be repulsed, others might not. It’s an individuality thing. Finding a tail repulsive doesn’t make you a terrible person – it just makes you human.
The prison has a strange way of churning out pleasantness in people – free housing, free healthy food (boiled, junk free). You do know they get free education in there too, so there is a chance a law degree might be somewhere in the credentials too. Then, because they are hardened, they have this dare-devil air about them to complement your craving for adventure.
But the opposite is also true because, as I have heard, confinement also brings out the crazy in people. The crazy might be wrapped so well in pretence until they meet you. So when you meet this dashing handsome young man (or woman) with excellent English, and you have always wondered why they do not have a job, take time to evaluate whether you do or don’t mind dating an ex-con. However, upon the realisation that you naively fell hard for this person sans the knowledge of his ex-jailbird status, here are four ways to look at it.
Run, run and never look back
Let’s face it – honestly, it’s terrifying. But it depends. What was he or she in for? Murder? Attempted murder? Sexual harassment? Rape? Fraud? Domestic violence? What? Which is the lesser crime? And which is the greater crime? It is for you to decide considering, as it turns out, often along the way, the past has a way of showing up. Now, if he or she was convicted for punishing a man by decapitating his genitals, there is no guarantee it won’t happen again. Who wants to sleep fearing that crucial body parts might be chopped off?
You might engage in certain thoughts that will prove suicidal to the relationship – like when you ask yourself if he or she was in a women or men prison, and you think three years was such a long time. What sexual exploits did he or she engage in? If you decide to run, run like your life depends on it because if you look back you might turn into a pillar of salt. You might also want to perfect the art of camouflage at this stage because no one likes to be deserted – in which case the jilted lover might endeavour to lash out. Anyhow, when you vanish do it well, don’t feel guilty about it, and don’t be sympathetic because, you know, you might get extinct, quite literally.
Stay. Be brave. Empathise
The decision to stay must have been preceded by a lot of evaluation and contemplation. Perhaps it is the children, perhaps it is the love, or maybe it’s just an overpowering sense of nobility. You have decided just the same. Now, you need to get past the initial shock, and fast, because once word gets out it spreads like bush fire. Understand that everyone, except you, might not be cozy with the idea.
Expect to be ostracised and punished with detest and gossip. Your group of friends is bound to shrink considerably. Your family may avoid your abode and chastise you with cruel words. You know what the Bible verse states – that two people cannot walk together unless they agree? Well, they may even think you are a criminal’s accomplice. If your partner was convicted of committing a petty crime, he or she may start keeping things away when you show up. If they were found guilty of sexual harassment, they will avoid both of you like a plague. If you have kids, they might also need to understand the world will not be too kind.
A lot of ridicule and anger might be coming their way, and they need to be prepared. Other parents might keep their children away from them thinking crime is, perhaps, an infectious condition contracted by socialising with an ex-con’s children. It may be in the interest of everyone to visit the kind of therapist that will help everyone to come to terms with the present situation. You must also recognise that everyone’s concern is valid, and if it is that difficult for you, how much more difficult is it for the ex-con?
Stay and “give” a lot.
Upon release from prison, ex-cons are probably penniless, cloth less, jobless, and so on. They will need your help to re-establish themselves. If you have decided to stay, you need to know the '–less' situation may last a while. Perhaps the state repossessed all their property, perhaps they have been behind bars so long, finding a foothold will not be easy. The sure thing about this arrangement is you will be on the giving end.
It may even be for a very long time because of their criminal record. Many employers may be skeptical about hiring them – they may need time to catch up with the world as it has changed since they were locked up. They might not have the means to shower the object of their affection with gifts – which, as we all know, can drag the relationship to an unfortunate place.
Whichever the case, it may be draining financially and emotionally. There is also the danger of an ex-con slipping back to his or her old ways if he or she does not find the means to survive. As their partner, you will be essential in helping them to stay away from their crime-stimulators. They may have acquired some skills in prison, but would need capital to start a business along with the willpower to sustain the business – they will rely on you for both.
Stay, but watch your back!
Suppose your ex-con boyfriend or girlfriend has achieved such milestones that they do not require any assistance from you. They are even helping to bring in the cash and pay the bills. If electronics are mysteriously appearing and disappearing from the house, you have strange people showing up at odd hours of the night, or your ex-con partner keeps odd hours, then you have every reason to worry because the most logical explanation is that the prison time did not work.
The fact is, your partner has not ditched his or her criminal ways. If you choose to stay, you are putting yourself in the line of fire. You might need to take stock of your possessions now and then, keep a club under your pillow, sleep with one eye open, or develop ultrasonic hearing for your safety. You need to be prepared – be light enough to run if the police show up, practice and perfect a compelling speech to prove oblivion in the event you are caught. Or perhaps you could practise feigning a mental illness or learn how to convulse.
