A wedding is the most spectacular event in life. An event that is looked forward to, yearned for by many.
As is obvious, such a rare fete; not everyone is lucky to walk down the aisle, draws a period of emotional upheaval that come with a flurry of activities that involve the wedding plans. You definately want it to be a perfect day, not one marred by dramatic revelations.
While men help out in planning the wedding; say in picking out the location, it is women who bear the upper hand in most decisions for this day; be it in picking up the brides maid dresses, deciding on the perfect cake or the kind of flowers that suit the theme, the bride has to be more involved. Although a wedding planner comes in handy, consulations still go on behind the scenes.
For this reason, planning a wedding can be a nightmare especially for the bride. However, her worst nightmare comes when the boys decide to hold a private stag party in honour of the groom.
Usually planned by the groom's best man, a bachelor's party is an event held before the wedding and is meant to let the groom enjoy the 'the last night of freedom,' or to spend time with his male friends who also attend his wedding.The equivalent for the bride-to-be is the bachelorette or hen's night.
Your man may not hold this view, but most of his friends married or unmarried think that his freedom is under jeopardy. You are getting married and he will not be able to enjoy the privileges of a single man again.
Nights out with the boys are likely to be cut shorter. Drinking with the boys or answering phone calls in the middle of the night will get him into trouble while money he spends out with friends will simply have to go into more serious responsibilities. In short, his life is over. His life becomes 'your life' as he now will have to consult you before making some decisions.
It is understandable. It is the last night before the wedding, and both the bride and groom deserve a break having given so much of their energy into ensuring things will work out.
The bride may also be holding a hen party with her girls, but truth be told, the bachelor's party should be every bride's worst night mare! Most are unwilling to disclose details on this event. They say what happens there remains there. This got me thinking, what really happens?
According to Michael, a 29 year old writer, stag parties are nights full of fun. The events of the night however, mainly depend on the friends.
"It depends on the clique.Anything from singing praises of the groom to drinking silly, telling stories of past girlfriends, to man talk. Some go to the extremes of getting a striper."
Truth be told, the first tiff of an otherwise would-be-perfect marriage, is likely to happen on this night.Brides-to-be are unaware of what really goes down on this night,as the details of the event and most importantly the location are kept at fuzzy or at bay.
The 'Hangover' movie is a perfect example of what the boys might be up to. However, unlike in the movie where the wedding day turns out great even after a wild night, things may take a different turn if the bride discovers what really went down.
Many men are thrilled by the experience of this one night, but the reality is that it could lead to an eventual break up of a couple even after the wedding.
Booze/ binge drinking
Drinks are usually in order in most stag parties, the event having been organized by the groom's best man. The purposeful drinking is meant to intoxicate them to a level where nothing they do on that night will come back to haunt them. While most people enjoy drinking their sorrows away on this night, the groom who may be super excited about his new life is not spared. His friends order rounds of drinks for him even when he is not up for it.
" Drinking is common at bachelor parties. They are mostly held in a strip club." Says David a 31 year old business man, who has attended most of his friends stag parties.
Bonding
As they drink the night away, old friends get to further tighten their bonds through sharing drinks, stories of past relationships and even dancing crazy. As they congratulate the groom on getting this far, few gems of wisdom may come his way and especially from close friends who have been there in his life. This for sure is a positive thing as these are the friends who've stood by him and will continue to be there in his journey of life.This aspect is shared even at hen parties where female friends invited are mostly close.
" My bridal shower was a night to remember. I bonded with my friends through games and sharing experiences mostly on relationships. There was also lots of advice.' Shares Ann, now married for two years.
Strippers
Depending on how wild the groom or his friends are, the location of the party could even be a brothel. While the men enjoy drinking, strippers are brought in to entertain. The groom could be forced to dance with the strippers as the crowd cheer him on. It is a sad affair if the groom is an innocent guy playing along with every whim of what some of the friends suggest.
"You have to go there knowing who you are, otherwise, you will lose yourself in all the craze." Says Dan, a man who was forced to do all that his friends asked at his stag party.
Sex
Imagine your partner cheating on you on such an important night?
"It is really unfortunate that some men are led to the extent of sleeping with another woman on the eve of their wedding."adds Michael.
Remember,some married men attending their friends bachelor party may be intentionally looking out for an opportunity to cheat on their partners. The man of the night should be careful not to end up being dragged into their kind of mess.The night is meant to be enjoyed by the whole group, and if not careful, peer pressure may take a toll on the man of your dreams.
Counselling
Ideally, this should be the main reason for the event. Those sane enough, invite a counsellor to give advice on their next stage in life.
" We had a combined party where we invited a counsellor to share on what we should expect in the marriage, and some of the challenges we may face." Shares Mrs. Murimi, now married for two years.
For some though, the counsellor turns out to be that same guy or lady who was dancing on a table after they stripped infront of the cheering revellers. Hen parties are no exception to this craze.
According to kbaab.wordpress.com, this was the case in a hen party she attended.
"After his act, he dressed up in his regular clothes and proceeded to talk to the chics on matters to do with relationships, marriage and sex from the guys’ perspective. It came quite a bit as a surprise to everyone."
They say what happens there remains there. Few are willing to divulge such information. Whether he cheated on you or not, it cannot be taken back. If he is honest enough to open up, lend a listening ear. If not, just let it pass. No need opening self destructive cans when you have a future together.
The Alternative
If you are still unmarried or are planning a wedding, you could think of a combined party.These can be fun and none of you will feel left out.This kind of party is known as a Stag and Doe party or a hag party.
Incase of such a party, the cost is less as compared to when each of you holds a their own party and under a different location. The grooms and bride's friends are still in charge of planning so you are likely to be more relaxed.
In addition, both of you will not be under any pressure from your friends and are therefore unlikely to go wild, doing things you might regret or that could lead to a break up.
When the event is combined the gifts you get are most likely to be geared towards what both of you appreciate. You are less likely to get crazy surprises that will not go down with you or your partner.
Instead of looking at it as the last night of freedom, couples should look at it as the last night before the next big step in their lives.
Focus on making it as fun and memorable as you can not only to you, but to the friends and relatives who attend. Find ways to make everyone feel comfortable.
How about playing games that reveal how the couple met, their first date or what they first thought of each other. You could engage the guests by finding out how much they know about the couple as their friends.
Word of advice is definitely a must for the couple.After all, they are really the main guests of the evening. Ensure that the talk is fun and entertaining.
Lastly, for those who are christians, holding a prayer circle asking God for blessings in the marriage will go a long way in making the wedding successful. After all, who wants to attend a wedding that will be followed by a divorce after a few months?
Whatever option you pick, let it be a night to remember. Remember this marks the start of a new life. A life that you pray and hope will be rich and full of love.